Sometimes I just don't understand anything!

There are times when I just don't understand the things going on in my life. I get frustrated with my own abilities - or lack thereof - to complete tasks, manage my emotions (or lack thereof), and understand my partner's reasoning. School has been absolutely frustrating because I just don't have the drive and motivation I once had. I understand that starting a new job, and starting a new school session are the worst possible combinations a person can endeavor. It's difficult enough to ride the learning curve of one new thing, much less two or three new things at a time. I will pass this semester, but just barely. That sucks - but doesn't freak me out. When things are particularly frustrating, I tend to turn off my emotions even more than already muted. For years I had to train myself to turn feelings into matter of fact realizations. Don't miss anyone too much - that's painful; don't want anything too much - that's frustrating; don't need anything too much - that's defeating. So, years of practice has made me pretty flat, and that's hard for Eve who can be quite histrionic when emotions are involved. Finally, I am having much difficulty understanding Eve's need to reach out to people from her past and bring them into the fold of all things Tate-Andersen. Darren wanted to talk to Eve so, of course, she reaches out and in the end finds out that he hasn't changed at all. Once she didn't invite him here to stay (when he was whining about having nowhere to go), and she didn't jump to provide him a solution to his problems...she realized he was only after her help. He hasn't called her since. Eve communicates with Lacey on Facebook - which doesn't really bother me except to say that if Lacey hasn't written in months...why would you write to find out if that person is fine? Once all the pleasantries, apologies, and finding out that one another are fine happens it seems to me that's that. Now, the most recent reaching into the past is Eve's initiation of contact with Haley. The one and only person who I will not tolerate. Eve cannot see how her communication with these people would hurt me. Furthermore, the fact that I didn't tell her I was hurt by this totally and completely surprises her - she cannot read my mind ya know. I figure if someone has gone all these years without needing and wanting to know what's going on in Eve's life...then chances are they are just fine...so that leads me to wonder if it's Eve who isn't 'just fine'. She seldom calls her friends who are really her friends. She seldom calls the people who have never been a part of her bad past. She barely communicates with the people who love and adore her on a regular basis. I have to wonder if it's Eve's Leo side that makes her need to feel that people from her past know how well she is doing now. How happy, blessed, financially secure, blah, blah, blah...she is now. I am at a loss. I guess I just need advice from people who understand (or even don't understand) how I feel and why I would be upset by the current situation. Love Y'all!

You can get time back

Hello all!

Last night Eve and I went to see Titanic in 3D. Maybe that's not such a big deal to anyone, maybe it is...for me - it was a BIG deal.

So, you're asking why that's a big deal to me? No - it's not because I love Leonardo DiCaprio or Kate Winslet so much! No - it's not because I identify with Celine Dion! No - it's not because I am such an History buff or a Titanic officionado! It's because when the movie was first released I was in custody in Winnsboro, LA. It was released in 1997 and my son came to visit me to tell me about this blockbuster he went to see that was unlike any movie he had ever seen. I remember telling him that I thought that would be a silly movie to go see..the Titanic sunk and all that, but wow...a 3 hour movie about it. He told me, "NO, Mom - it's a really good love story, and they show way more than just its sinking". I really, never got it while I was incarcerated.

When I came home in 2004, I had a list of movies that I wanted to see because I had missed them in the theaters, all those years. Titanic was on the list. After Chris told me he saw it 3 times and many others raved about the movie - I figured I should watch it for no other reason than to understand current culture and iconic changes in the world. I had missed a lot, and it was wise to learn how the people who lived outside of prison associated with their world. Eve and I watched the movie on DVD not long after I got home.

Well, I understood. I fully grasped how different James Cameron approached a project, and I understood how the story of the people - particularly the two portrayed in this movie - lived and died on that ship - that night. I was moved and thrilled, and more than just a little saddened by the loss of so many lives in a cold and icy sea.

Since I have seen the movie, I have watched many Discovery or History channel documentaries about Titanic. I have been to the Moody Gardens exhibit where the artifacts speak in hushed voices and seem frozen in time. I cannot hear the word Titanic without feeling the loss of so many brave people. I have learned that Titanic was not doomed to sink, but rather destined to be a legend. She was expertly captained, and amazingly engineered. Her sister ship, fashioned at the same time using the same blueprints, sailed for 25 years without incident. I do love all things Titanic, but not for the love story, but for the rememberance.

When 'they' said that Titanic was being re-released to the theaters, I was elated. I did not know, though that I would be overcome by emotions in the way that I was. The movie is, of course, so beautiful. The 3D aspect was wonderful. But...the entire film consisted of a new appreciation for the people I knew represented those who lost their lives and those who survived, and an inner dialogue with my self. I remembered little conversations from all those years ago, I remembered the look on my son's face when he excitedly told me about the movie, I remembered how it felt to see the movie on the small screen. What I did not expect was the wash of a feeling something akin to relief as I exited the theater. This iconic film, in all it's larger than life glory, was now a part of my memory in a way that only the theater can enhance. I, too, fit in with all the people who saw it back in 1997. Finally, I can say that I have seen Titanic and that I saw it at the theater.

Weird, I know...I have always been a little on the odd side. Still...there truly aren't enough words to describe how seeing this movie at the theater makes me feel like I didn't miss so much of my own life anymore.

Toodles y'all!!!! Thanks for letting me ramble!

Finally moved in

Wow, it's been a whole month since I posted...bad Kim!

So here's the new news. The move was an absolute fiasco. Eve doesn't feel the same as I; however, first and foremost, we did not pick the move date. Our apartment manager told us what day she had pushed the paperwork for the move. So...I was prepared to move on or around the first of April. Sharon set everything in motion for the 16th of March. We got, and bought boxes, and worked liked worker bees to have everything in order for that date (I expressed concern that I would not be ready by the prescribed date). I saw the apartment in its worst state 3 weeks prior to the move. I was assured that everything wrong would be in perfect condition within the time frame. Eve saw the apartment two weeks prior to the move date and it was untouched by any maintenance or clean up staff. Eve and I looked at the apartment 6 days prior to the move and the only work had been the carpets being removed and the counters resurfaced. We immediately went to the office and the assistant manager came over and did a walk-through. I told her that I would need a definitive answer no later than Monday (We were in the apartment - unfinished - on Sunday) about whether or not the unit would be ready on the 16th because I needed at least 48 hours to reschedule the movers. On Monday, I was reassured that the apartment would be completed by 12:30 on Thursday March 15th, so I could get the keys and start moving fragile and kitchen stuff over. Well, we got the keys at 2:30 on Thursday and the painter was just starting to paint the downstairs...the cleaning woman had not been able to get into the unit yet. No repairs had been made to the water damaged areas, many things did not work, the refrigerator was going out, the bathroom toilet leaked, and the list goes on....I was livid..in tears, and just didn't know what to do. The management said that the cleaning lady would be there at 8 in the morning and that she would be out before my movers got there. She didn't show up until 8:45. The movers arrived at 9:20, packed up the old house, and were at the new unit by 10:45. They were moving boxes and furniture in around the maintenance man and the cleaning woman. The painter damaged the newly resurfaced counters in the kitchen and downstairs half bath...I couldn't put stuff away because the kitchen cabinets had still not been painted. UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!

Adding to our frustrations, I cannot unpack some stuff, and then 6 days later I have to go out to the ranch to babysit the dogs. Dad couldn't find ANYONE to do it in my stead, so I commuted to work from Chappell Hill to Kingwood for five days! That's 78.2 miles one way. No unpacking could be done...

Then, work was crazy because of spring break and I was completing 12-16 dogs per day making for long, hard, and arduous days. I was whooped and would come home and try to unpack stuff and complete some school work.
So...after 5 weeks in our new house, I have everything put away inside the house. All closets and cabinets are in order! We still have minor repairs that need to be done, but all in all...we live here and we love it!!!!!!

It's amazing how just 250 extra square feet can make a difference. The walls aren't closing in on us...the animals are way, more relaxed and we're loving the space. I have my own office again, so I feel productive, and definitely more human.

We got lots of new stuff...a new refrigerator (At the apartment's expense), washer and dryer, and a completely new decor for the master bath. This past weekend we painted an accent wall in the master bedroom and the entire master bath, including resurfacing the wash basin in a beautiful hammered bronze finish. YAY!

For me, school is fine, work is going, and I feel more focused than I have in a long time. For Eve, we feel the benefit of her raise, she is doing contract work for the company that wanted to hire her back, and life in general feels nice. We are going to Rome and Madrid in August for a school function and we're really looking forward to the trip. We're also planning a trip to Durango, CO over the Christmas holiday. It'll be fun - I just know it.

So...my friends and family...thanks for letting me rant! I love you all and will post again soon.

Yes, No, Yes...

Hello my blogger friends! Life is good - always has been - but, this week it feels particularly good.

Eve and I ARE going to move to the larger apartment. God knows what he's doing, that's for sure. I mentioned earlier that the thought of packing made me physically ill. Well, Eve and I talked and we came to the conclusion that we do need the extra space for me to have a dedicated school and work room. So....we looked at several apartments. Two were amazing and very chic, and two were here, in the complex where we live. Money wasn't really an issue since we only chose unit in our price range and weren't going to change our ability to save money. (All are slightly more expensive than where we currently reside, but you do have to pay to have more room). So....after about a week of intense and serious searching, we opted to stay here in our complex. At first, we were just going to settle for a downstairs, three bedroom unit, but lo and behold due to an error on one of the girls in the apartments complex office - we end up with the townhome we originally wanted a year ago, but they seldom become available. Now...I am SOOOOO excited. It actually, looks just like the unit I am in, but it is 254 square feet larger. Included in this apartment are washer and dryer hook-ups; two patios, and we get to keep the really cool "Master suite verandah" :-) Yay, Yay, and more yippy, skippy yays!!!

I finished this quarter with an A in both classes and will begin my third quarter taking Social Psyc, and Advanced Research on March 5th. Not much time off, but it's nice not to stress for this week about getting papers submitted.

Eve and I are going to see Lady Antebellum at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo on Thursday. It's our first concert together and I know that Eve is really excited about seeing the show.

Nigel is getting so big...he weighs 2.6 pounds, now...wow - he's gonna be a beast:-)
Joe and Nigel are discombobulated by all the boxes and the sounds of tape being dispensed to secure their closure...it's too funny to watch their head cock to one side and see the inquisition in their eyes about all the weird sounds. The cats are hilarious. They are both eight years old and have been through this before, before, before, and before....they just look extremely irritated by the process.

Planning a trip to Durango, Co. for Christmas this year. Hoping many family will attend and we can all share a beautiful, white Christmas. Looking at a 6 bedroom, 7 bath home for the week of Christmas that sleeps 17...Come on Terry, Heather, Jamie, Kathy, Trich...the more the MERRIER and the less the expense :-)

Okay, gotta go...more packing since I have to work so much over the next 6 weeks. I am back on a full time schedule because Spring Break is on its way.

Love to all...toodles!!!!

It's been a long time

Well, it certainly has been a long while since I have posted to my favorite ranting site. This is where I can unload all my deep - and sometimes, not so deep - thoughts. Lately, the thoughts have been pretty deep.

So, for starters, just to catch up...Chris is still not acting like my son. He acts like some spoiled brat to whom the world, and particularly me, owe everything. It took a long time for me to get past the guilt of leaving him for so many years, but now...I realize his life is clearly a result of the choices he has made. He chose to leave Kristi and his sons, he chose to date a known crack dealer, and he chose to live with a girl who is too young, and too self-absorbed to put anyone's feelings before her own. The latest tantrum of Chris' is that his tax return was taken to pay child support arrearage. I don't even know if that's true because I filled out Chris' taxes and the IRS reports the refund as being deposited. There is no mention of a reduction for tax debt resulting in a balance of zero. Usually, they tell you that the amount of YOUR tax refund has been reduced, and then provides a number to call to find out the particulars. Anyway...Our relationship is so broken that I think it will be many years before Chris and I can sit in the same room again. I love him, but I have to love him from a distance.

On to other things...Eve was offered a position working for the company that laid her off last May. The offer was quite substantial and would have meant a 12,000.00 plus raise per year. This was the eye opener for Eve that her skills are exemplary and that she deserves the good things in life. We talked about why she feels it is inappropriate to ask to be paid what other experts in her field are making. In order to be an expert, a person must do something for 10,000 hours. Well, 10 years into her career (2080*10 = 20,800 hours) Eve has far exceeded the expert mark. I watched the light bulb go off in her head. She was so exicited, but also concerned because the company is a small, family owned operation and there is little room for advancement. She might actually be stuck at that pay rate, and that position for the rest of her career. Just as Eve is ready to take the position (she turned in her resignation letter), her current employer's Vice President calls Eve to his office and asks what it will take to keep her there. They quickly met Eve's demands and Eve is staying with Sun Coast Post Tension. They are an international firm with locations all over the US and in several other countries. The sky is the limit for Eve with the firm and I am glad she made the choice to stay. Whew...that's a lot of information in one paragraph....

I got a new little friend. After Frodo's passing, I just didn't think I would want another pup, but we knew that for Joe's sake, we had to get another puppy soon, or never get one until he passes many years from now. So....Nigel Pinkerton found us. The cutest little tiny chihuahua. He has the sweetest disposition, and likes people (Frodo hated everyone). Nigel is smart, cute, and very kind. He and Joe adore each other and Eve and I couldn't be happier to have him in our family.

Of course there wouldn't be an Andersen household if there weren't some kind of drama unfolding. I was out at the ranch the third weekend in January and while out there, Ed and JJ Spillmon decided to visit me. They were supposed to get a motel room, but instead showed up at Dad's gate without the money to stay elsewhere. To make a long story, very short...they jumped the electric gates in order to get to the main house. UNBELIEVABLE!!!! During this weekend, Joe was out at the ranch to get neutered by our Brenham vet (Dad doesn't like other animals out at his place, but it was just for a moment), the lights in Dad's living room somehow got disabled at the main switch, well-hidden under the carpet, and finally, Dad's antique Omega watch is missing. It was the most horrible experience, and since Dad is very paranoid and automatically assumes the worst...there was a moment of suspicion and accusation. We are going to be okay, but the feelings that always arise when Dad is angry came flooding in and because of that, I handled the situation poorly in the beginning. I had to call and apologize profusely for my bad behavior toward my father.

I got a new car and a new sofa. The Cadillac was going to start costing a lot of money so I traded it in for a 2006 PT Cruiser. I never thought of myself as a PT kind of girl, but I adore it!!!! It's the cutest little car and I love to drive it. As for the furniture, we no longer needed the sleeper sofa (not that we really ever did), and the bulk of sofa, loveseat, and ottoman made our living room feel too small. So, we got an L shaped sectional in nutmeg colored leather. It's very comfy and opens up the space quite nicely.

Eve and I were contemplating getting a larger apartment so I could have a dedicated office space. I find that having my desk and computer in a niche in the living room is quite distracting. My studies have been lacking since the room, and the house often call me away (I know that sounds weird). Anyway, with the new living room arrangement, I am no longer sitting with my back to the television...it's now in my periphery, so it's less distracting in that if some sound catches my attention, I don't have to turn completely around to see...I can shift my head a bit, and see if I need to attend to something. I also know it's not the right move to make because the thought of packing and moving makes me physically sick to my stomach. Never before has the thought of moving done that to me. I may dread the packing and such, but am usually excited about the new space. Not this time, so I will - for the first time in a long time - pay attention to my gut so I don't have to say that I knew I shouldn't have done "something".

Toodles everyone...I will write again soon - hopefully not such a lengthy post.

My Crazy Life

My world has been topsy turvy for the last couple of months, but the past 10 days have been the most difficult.

I had a wonderful time in Hawaii even though I didn't get to see much of it. We went to class early in the morning, and didn't get out until the sun was down. So...the beach in the moonlight is gorgeous!!!!!

I did a tiny bit of shopping...it cost so much to attend this residency. I was able to get a hat and a shotglass for Eve. My friends got a t-shirt, a hat, a box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts and a coffee cup. I got a t-shirt and a coffee cup...and of course, as is mine and Eve's tradition...a refrigerator magnet. Sum total of souvenirs...150.00 (can you believe those few things cost that much?!!!!).

The horrible thing that happened is that the day before I left for Hawaii, Mister Frodo seemed to be in distress. He often has trouble breathing so we chalked it up to a change in climate and the stress of seeing my suitcases. Whenever I am gone, he will not eat, mopes around, and acts like the world is going to end. This coincidence masked the fact that Mister was dying. I would call Eve every day and ask how he was doing, but she felt he was okay and having no more difficulty than usual. When I returned from Hawaii, I realized my little guy was close to death - severely dehydrated and not getting enough oxygen. I spent most of the day on the phone with the vet since our finances are so bad, I couldn't afford to just run in there all willy nilly with no way to pay. (It's reprehensible that there's no emergency care for pets like there is for humans...if you don't have money...the vet won't see you). Anyway...we're fortunate to have a wonderful vet who met us at his office on Monday night and took Frodo in, stayed with him all night, and helped him make the transition over the rainbow bridge in our place. Dr. Bryant cried with us the next morning and allowed us to pay in payments. The bill was 571.60.

I miss my little dog so much that it hurts as though I have lost a human. I never thought I would be that affected; however, I break down during the day periodically. It's been a week since Frodo left my side, and I feel like this pain will never subside. Even though I know it will....I just cannot bear it.

If you can't tell...I am in a bit of a funk. Last night Eve decided that she would like to go Christmas shopping. She was excited and happy and then we entered the store. Eve is the worst shopper EVER....it's frustrating and difficult to go with her. She says things like I know what to get our family members and that I understand them and their tastes. Then when I pick something I know they will really enjoy...she refuses to agree, doesn't want to get "THAT", and makes me miserable in the process. Eve is happy to go to Walmart and one-stop Shop....I hate that!!!!! In the mood I am in...if I get ONE more stock gift or sub quality gift from that place...I WILL SCREAM and throw a tantrum!!!!! It just takes planning and shopping to find the perfect gift for someone...whether you have 10 dollars or 10 thousand dollars doesn't limit the possibilities of finding that one special thing someone will treasure forever. You just have to think about the person...who they are...what's important to them...how they dress, what kind of car they have...where they work...all those things speak to what a person stands for...once you get that...getting a gift isn't all that difficult. For Eve...I would suggest she stick with gift cards and let everyone choose their own present!

Okay, gonna go...shouldn't be writing in this weird mood.

Updating the drama

So..I said I would keep you posted in the Thanksgiving festivities around our home.

First, Christopher still hasn't spoken one word to me. In addition, He and/or Amy tried to pull a fast one with their one remaining line of cell phone service. Eve and I would have missed it if they hadn't screwed themselves in the process. Apparently one of them logged into Tmobile using the administrator account (probably Eve's since I changed my password the day of the trouble a month ago) and changed the administrator permission for Amy's phone number. Then, they changed the minutes allowed to unlimited (which is an additional fee of 20.00 per month). When this was done, Tmobile offered a limit on FREE minutes to 1000. They chose the option (Didn't really understand what they were doing). So....On Friday evening, Amy's phone stopped allowing phone calls. She texted and begged me to turn the phone back on; unsuspend Chris' line; or give her more minutes. Eve and I checked her minute usage and she still had 123 left (they are only allowed 500 minutes per month). To make this long story short...while at the theater on Sunday, Amy sent another text asking me to PLEASE turn her phone back on...I had had enough and called Tmobile to find out why Amy's phone wasn't working. That's when we find out about what they did and how they shot themselves in the foot. Because they chose the option to limit FREE calls to 1000, all the weekend calls are free, and her phone wouldn't permit calls once she reached that amount of minutes. I think it's hilarious!!!!! So, I let them know that I found out what they did...fixed the problem with Tmobile and will suffer no additional costs...and told Amy that she has until January 1 to get her own phone...we're turning off the phone that date with no exceptions. So...we won't be seeing the kids for Thanksgiving.

I sent the letter my Dad asked me to send to my Mother in regard to her accusations of theft. First...the letter did not reach her. I sent it to the wrong address (7402 instead of 7502). Of course, anyone who knows my paperwork demon understands that this kind of thing is to be expected in my life. Since the letter didn't arrive as it should have...Dad had a moment of suspicion and believed I had not sent the letter - and worse...maybe was guilty of what I was accused. Next, I corrected the address and re-mailed the letter. Mom did receive it because I sent it registered mail. Mom tells Dad she is NOT coming to Thanksgiving at the ranch. My brother calls Joyce (Dad's office manager and personal assistant) and tells her that he and Lauren will not be attending Thanksgiving because Mom will not be there. (I knew this was going to happen). Dad was beside himself with grief...he had built up some unrealistic family reconciliation. Finally, I received a response to my letter, yesterday. In a nutshell...Mom does not believe my innocence, claims that I paid for the cruise tickets in 2008 with money stolen from my Dad (because there was a problem with mine and Dad's credit cards around that time and she told me to give back the cruise tickets[which weren't purchased through dad's card] and I refused). OMG!!!! Oh My God!!!!

So, Dad, Tim, Eve, and I have decided that we are going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving with no mention of THOSE people. Enough is Enough!!!!! I have decided that a relationship with my Mother is not all that wonderful. I spent 15 years with not one word from her. During that time, I idealized what our relationship used to be like and how nice it would be to have that again...I am perfectly content to go back to missing her, and remember only the good times. I don't like how she makes me feel. I like me, and many people like me. I refuse to allow her to make me think there's good reason they shouldn't.

I intent to love my brother from a healthy distance...This isn't the first time he has said something horrible about me to ingratiate himself into Mom's life again. They are perfect suited to one another. I don't wish to participate.

I am fortunate to have my Dad and will cherish whatever time there is left for us. He genuinely loves me and even likes me. I feel the same about him.

As for my REAL family...their last name is Tate, Scott, Mann, Spaniel, Wilcox, Sutton, Sheffer, and any other I have forgotten. These are the people who love me unconditionally and treat me like an interesting person and not a person of interest. I love you all, those of you who read this, and those who may hear it from the grapevine. I am grateful, thankful, and so honored to be part of this family!!!!