Monday, July 23, 2012
Sometimes I just don't understand anything!
There are times when I just don't understand the things going on in my life. I get frustrated with my own abilities - or lack thereof - to complete tasks, manage my emotions (or lack thereof), and understand my partner's reasoning.
School has been absolutely frustrating because I just don't have the drive and motivation I once had. I understand that starting a new job, and starting a new school session are the worst possible combinations a person can endeavor. It's difficult enough to ride the learning curve of one new thing, much less two or three new things at a time. I will pass this semester, but just barely. That sucks - but doesn't freak me out.
When things are particularly frustrating, I tend to turn off my emotions even more than already muted. For years I had to train myself to turn feelings into matter of fact realizations. Don't miss anyone too much - that's painful; don't want anything too much - that's frustrating; don't need anything too much - that's defeating. So, years of practice has made me pretty flat, and that's hard for Eve who can be quite histrionic when emotions are involved.
Finally, I am having much difficulty understanding Eve's need to reach out to people from her past and bring them into the fold of all things Tate-Andersen. Darren wanted to talk to Eve so, of course, she reaches out and in the end finds out that he hasn't changed at all. Once she didn't invite him here to stay (when he was whining about having nowhere to go), and she didn't jump to provide him a solution to his problems...she realized he was only after her help. He hasn't called her since. Eve communicates with Lacey on Facebook - which doesn't really bother me except to say that if Lacey hasn't written in months...why would you write to find out if that person is fine? Once all the pleasantries, apologies, and finding out that one another are fine happens it seems to me that's that. Now, the most recent reaching into the past is Eve's initiation of contact with Haley. The one and only person who I will not tolerate. Eve cannot see how her communication with these people would hurt me. Furthermore, the fact that I didn't tell her I was hurt by this totally and completely surprises her - she cannot read my mind ya know. I figure if someone has gone all these years without needing and wanting to know what's going on in Eve's life...then chances are they are just fine...so that leads me to wonder if it's Eve who isn't 'just fine'. She seldom calls her friends who are really her friends. She seldom calls the people who have never been a part of her bad past. She barely communicates with the people who love and adore her on a regular basis.
I have to wonder if it's Eve's Leo side that makes her need to feel that people from her past know how well she is doing now. How happy, blessed, financially secure, blah, blah, blah...she is now. I am at a loss.
I guess I just need advice from people who understand (or even don't understand) how I feel and why I would be upset by the current situation.
Love Y'all!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
You can get time back
Hello all!
Last night Eve and I went to see Titanic in 3D. Maybe that's not such a big deal to anyone, maybe it is...for me - it was a BIG deal.
So, you're asking why that's a big deal to me? No - it's not because I love Leonardo DiCaprio or Kate Winslet so much! No - it's not because I identify with Celine Dion! No - it's not because I am such an History buff or a Titanic officionado! It's because when the movie was first released I was in custody in Winnsboro, LA. It was released in 1997 and my son came to visit me to tell me about this blockbuster he went to see that was unlike any movie he had ever seen. I remember telling him that I thought that would be a silly movie to go see..the Titanic sunk and all that, but wow...a 3 hour movie about it. He told me, "NO, Mom - it's a really good love story, and they show way more than just its sinking". I really, never got it while I was incarcerated.
When I came home in 2004, I had a list of movies that I wanted to see because I had missed them in the theaters, all those years. Titanic was on the list. After Chris told me he saw it 3 times and many others raved about the movie - I figured I should watch it for no other reason than to understand current culture and iconic changes in the world. I had missed a lot, and it was wise to learn how the people who lived outside of prison associated with their world. Eve and I watched the movie on DVD not long after I got home.
Well, I understood. I fully grasped how different James Cameron approached a project, and I understood how the story of the people - particularly the two portrayed in this movie - lived and died on that ship - that night. I was moved and thrilled, and more than just a little saddened by the loss of so many lives in a cold and icy sea.
Since I have seen the movie, I have watched many Discovery or History channel documentaries about Titanic. I have been to the Moody Gardens exhibit where the artifacts speak in hushed voices and seem frozen in time. I cannot hear the word Titanic without feeling the loss of so many brave people. I have learned that Titanic was not doomed to sink, but rather destined to be a legend. She was expertly captained, and amazingly engineered. Her sister ship, fashioned at the same time using the same blueprints, sailed for 25 years without incident. I do love all things Titanic, but not for the love story, but for the rememberance.
When 'they' said that Titanic was being re-released to the theaters, I was elated. I did not know, though that I would be overcome by emotions in the way that I was. The movie is, of course, so beautiful. The 3D aspect was wonderful. But...the entire film consisted of a new appreciation for the people I knew represented those who lost their lives and those who survived, and an inner dialogue with my self. I remembered little conversations from all those years ago, I remembered the look on my son's face when he excitedly told me about the movie, I remembered how it felt to see the movie on the small screen. What I did not expect was the wash of a feeling something akin to relief as I exited the theater. This iconic film, in all it's larger than life glory, was now a part of my memory in a way that only the theater can enhance. I, too, fit in with all the people who saw it back in 1997. Finally, I can say that I have seen Titanic and that I saw it at the theater.
Weird, I know...I have always been a little on the odd side. Still...there truly aren't enough words to describe how seeing this movie at the theater makes me feel like I didn't miss so much of my own life anymore.
Toodles y'all!!!! Thanks for letting me ramble!
Last night Eve and I went to see Titanic in 3D. Maybe that's not such a big deal to anyone, maybe it is...for me - it was a BIG deal.
So, you're asking why that's a big deal to me? No - it's not because I love Leonardo DiCaprio or Kate Winslet so much! No - it's not because I identify with Celine Dion! No - it's not because I am such an History buff or a Titanic officionado! It's because when the movie was first released I was in custody in Winnsboro, LA. It was released in 1997 and my son came to visit me to tell me about this blockbuster he went to see that was unlike any movie he had ever seen. I remember telling him that I thought that would be a silly movie to go see..the Titanic sunk and all that, but wow...a 3 hour movie about it. He told me, "NO, Mom - it's a really good love story, and they show way more than just its sinking". I really, never got it while I was incarcerated.
When I came home in 2004, I had a list of movies that I wanted to see because I had missed them in the theaters, all those years. Titanic was on the list. After Chris told me he saw it 3 times and many others raved about the movie - I figured I should watch it for no other reason than to understand current culture and iconic changes in the world. I had missed a lot, and it was wise to learn how the people who lived outside of prison associated with their world. Eve and I watched the movie on DVD not long after I got home.
Well, I understood. I fully grasped how different James Cameron approached a project, and I understood how the story of the people - particularly the two portrayed in this movie - lived and died on that ship - that night. I was moved and thrilled, and more than just a little saddened by the loss of so many lives in a cold and icy sea.
Since I have seen the movie, I have watched many Discovery or History channel documentaries about Titanic. I have been to the Moody Gardens exhibit where the artifacts speak in hushed voices and seem frozen in time. I cannot hear the word Titanic without feeling the loss of so many brave people. I have learned that Titanic was not doomed to sink, but rather destined to be a legend. She was expertly captained, and amazingly engineered. Her sister ship, fashioned at the same time using the same blueprints, sailed for 25 years without incident. I do love all things Titanic, but not for the love story, but for the rememberance.
When 'they' said that Titanic was being re-released to the theaters, I was elated. I did not know, though that I would be overcome by emotions in the way that I was. The movie is, of course, so beautiful. The 3D aspect was wonderful. But...the entire film consisted of a new appreciation for the people I knew represented those who lost their lives and those who survived, and an inner dialogue with my self. I remembered little conversations from all those years ago, I remembered the look on my son's face when he excitedly told me about the movie, I remembered how it felt to see the movie on the small screen. What I did not expect was the wash of a feeling something akin to relief as I exited the theater. This iconic film, in all it's larger than life glory, was now a part of my memory in a way that only the theater can enhance. I, too, fit in with all the people who saw it back in 1997. Finally, I can say that I have seen Titanic and that I saw it at the theater.
Weird, I know...I have always been a little on the odd side. Still...there truly aren't enough words to describe how seeing this movie at the theater makes me feel like I didn't miss so much of my own life anymore.
Toodles y'all!!!! Thanks for letting me ramble!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Finally moved in
Wow, it's been a whole month since I posted...bad Kim!
So here's the new news. The move was an absolute fiasco. Eve doesn't feel the same as I; however, first and foremost, we did not pick the move date. Our apartment manager told us what day she had pushed the paperwork for the move. So...I was prepared to move on or around the first of April. Sharon set everything in motion for the 16th of March. We got, and bought boxes, and worked liked worker bees to have everything in order for that date (I expressed concern that I would not be ready by the prescribed date). I saw the apartment in its worst state 3 weeks prior to the move. I was assured that everything wrong would be in perfect condition within the time frame. Eve saw the apartment two weeks prior to the move date and it was untouched by any maintenance or clean up staff. Eve and I looked at the apartment 6 days prior to the move and the only work had been the carpets being removed and the counters resurfaced. We immediately went to the office and the assistant manager came over and did a walk-through. I told her that I would need a definitive answer no later than Monday (We were in the apartment - unfinished - on Sunday) about whether or not the unit would be ready on the 16th because I needed at least 48 hours to reschedule the movers. On Monday, I was reassured that the apartment would be completed by 12:30 on Thursday March 15th, so I could get the keys and start moving fragile and kitchen stuff over. Well, we got the keys at 2:30 on Thursday and the painter was just starting to paint the downstairs...the cleaning woman had not been able to get into the unit yet. No repairs had been made to the water damaged areas, many things did not work, the refrigerator was going out, the bathroom toilet leaked, and the list goes on....I was livid..in tears, and just didn't know what to do. The management said that the cleaning lady would be there at 8 in the morning and that she would be out before my movers got there. She didn't show up until 8:45. The movers arrived at 9:20, packed up the old house, and were at the new unit by 10:45. They were moving boxes and furniture in around the maintenance man and the cleaning woman. The painter damaged the newly resurfaced counters in the kitchen and downstairs half bath...I couldn't put stuff away because the kitchen cabinets had still not been painted. UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!
Adding to our frustrations, I cannot unpack some stuff, and then 6 days later I have to go out to the ranch to babysit the dogs. Dad couldn't find ANYONE to do it in my stead, so I commuted to work from Chappell Hill to Kingwood for five days! That's 78.2 miles one way. No unpacking could be done...
Then, work was crazy because of spring break and I was completing 12-16 dogs per day making for long, hard, and arduous days. I was whooped and would come home and try to unpack stuff and complete some school work.
So...after 5 weeks in our new house, I have everything put away inside the house. All closets and cabinets are in order! We still have minor repairs that need to be done, but all in all...we live here and we love it!!!!!!
It's amazing how just 250 extra square feet can make a difference. The walls aren't closing in on us...the animals are way, more relaxed and we're loving the space. I have my own office again, so I feel productive, and definitely more human.
We got lots of new stuff...a new refrigerator (At the apartment's expense), washer and dryer, and a completely new decor for the master bath. This past weekend we painted an accent wall in the master bedroom and the entire master bath, including resurfacing the wash basin in a beautiful hammered bronze finish. YAY!
For me, school is fine, work is going, and I feel more focused than I have in a long time. For Eve, we feel the benefit of her raise, she is doing contract work for the company that wanted to hire her back, and life in general feels nice. We are going to Rome and Madrid in August for a school function and we're really looking forward to the trip. We're also planning a trip to Durango, CO over the Christmas holiday. It'll be fun - I just know it.
So...my friends and family...thanks for letting me rant! I love you all and will post again soon.
So here's the new news. The move was an absolute fiasco. Eve doesn't feel the same as I; however, first and foremost, we did not pick the move date. Our apartment manager told us what day she had pushed the paperwork for the move. So...I was prepared to move on or around the first of April. Sharon set everything in motion for the 16th of March. We got, and bought boxes, and worked liked worker bees to have everything in order for that date (I expressed concern that I would not be ready by the prescribed date). I saw the apartment in its worst state 3 weeks prior to the move. I was assured that everything wrong would be in perfect condition within the time frame. Eve saw the apartment two weeks prior to the move date and it was untouched by any maintenance or clean up staff. Eve and I looked at the apartment 6 days prior to the move and the only work had been the carpets being removed and the counters resurfaced. We immediately went to the office and the assistant manager came over and did a walk-through. I told her that I would need a definitive answer no later than Monday (We were in the apartment - unfinished - on Sunday) about whether or not the unit would be ready on the 16th because I needed at least 48 hours to reschedule the movers. On Monday, I was reassured that the apartment would be completed by 12:30 on Thursday March 15th, so I could get the keys and start moving fragile and kitchen stuff over. Well, we got the keys at 2:30 on Thursday and the painter was just starting to paint the downstairs...the cleaning woman had not been able to get into the unit yet. No repairs had been made to the water damaged areas, many things did not work, the refrigerator was going out, the bathroom toilet leaked, and the list goes on....I was livid..in tears, and just didn't know what to do. The management said that the cleaning lady would be there at 8 in the morning and that she would be out before my movers got there. She didn't show up until 8:45. The movers arrived at 9:20, packed up the old house, and were at the new unit by 10:45. They were moving boxes and furniture in around the maintenance man and the cleaning woman. The painter damaged the newly resurfaced counters in the kitchen and downstairs half bath...I couldn't put stuff away because the kitchen cabinets had still not been painted. UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!
Adding to our frustrations, I cannot unpack some stuff, and then 6 days later I have to go out to the ranch to babysit the dogs. Dad couldn't find ANYONE to do it in my stead, so I commuted to work from Chappell Hill to Kingwood for five days! That's 78.2 miles one way. No unpacking could be done...
Then, work was crazy because of spring break and I was completing 12-16 dogs per day making for long, hard, and arduous days. I was whooped and would come home and try to unpack stuff and complete some school work.
So...after 5 weeks in our new house, I have everything put away inside the house. All closets and cabinets are in order! We still have minor repairs that need to be done, but all in all...we live here and we love it!!!!!!
It's amazing how just 250 extra square feet can make a difference. The walls aren't closing in on us...the animals are way, more relaxed and we're loving the space. I have my own office again, so I feel productive, and definitely more human.
We got lots of new stuff...a new refrigerator (At the apartment's expense), washer and dryer, and a completely new decor for the master bath. This past weekend we painted an accent wall in the master bedroom and the entire master bath, including resurfacing the wash basin in a beautiful hammered bronze finish. YAY!
For me, school is fine, work is going, and I feel more focused than I have in a long time. For Eve, we feel the benefit of her raise, she is doing contract work for the company that wanted to hire her back, and life in general feels nice. We are going to Rome and Madrid in August for a school function and we're really looking forward to the trip. We're also planning a trip to Durango, CO over the Christmas holiday. It'll be fun - I just know it.
So...my friends and family...thanks for letting me rant! I love you all and will post again soon.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Yes, No, Yes...
Hello my blogger friends! Life is good - always has been - but, this week it feels particularly good.
Eve and I ARE going to move to the larger apartment. God knows what he's doing, that's for sure. I mentioned earlier that the thought of packing made me physically ill. Well, Eve and I talked and we came to the conclusion that we do need the extra space for me to have a dedicated school and work room. So....we looked at several apartments. Two were amazing and very chic, and two were here, in the complex where we live. Money wasn't really an issue since we only chose unit in our price range and weren't going to change our ability to save money. (All are slightly more expensive than where we currently reside, but you do have to pay to have more room). So....after about a week of intense and serious searching, we opted to stay here in our complex. At first, we were just going to settle for a downstairs, three bedroom unit, but lo and behold due to an error on one of the girls in the apartments complex office - we end up with the townhome we originally wanted a year ago, but they seldom become available. Now...I am SOOOOO excited. It actually, looks just like the unit I am in, but it is 254 square feet larger. Included in this apartment are washer and dryer hook-ups; two patios, and we get to keep the really cool "Master suite verandah" :-) Yay, Yay, and more yippy, skippy yays!!!
I finished this quarter with an A in both classes and will begin my third quarter taking Social Psyc, and Advanced Research on March 5th. Not much time off, but it's nice not to stress for this week about getting papers submitted.
Eve and I are going to see Lady Antebellum at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo on Thursday. It's our first concert together and I know that Eve is really excited about seeing the show.
Nigel is getting so big...he weighs 2.6 pounds, now...wow - he's gonna be a beast:-)
Joe and Nigel are discombobulated by all the boxes and the sounds of tape being dispensed to secure their closure...it's too funny to watch their head cock to one side and see the inquisition in their eyes about all the weird sounds. The cats are hilarious. They are both eight years old and have been through this before, before, before, and before....they just look extremely irritated by the process.
Planning a trip to Durango, Co. for Christmas this year. Hoping many family will attend and we can all share a beautiful, white Christmas. Looking at a 6 bedroom, 7 bath home for the week of Christmas that sleeps 17...Come on Terry, Heather, Jamie, Kathy, Trich...the more the MERRIER and the less the expense :-)
Okay, gotta go...more packing since I have to work so much over the next 6 weeks. I am back on a full time schedule because Spring Break is on its way.
Love to all...toodles!!!!
Eve and I ARE going to move to the larger apartment. God knows what he's doing, that's for sure. I mentioned earlier that the thought of packing made me physically ill. Well, Eve and I talked and we came to the conclusion that we do need the extra space for me to have a dedicated school and work room. So....we looked at several apartments. Two were amazing and very chic, and two were here, in the complex where we live. Money wasn't really an issue since we only chose unit in our price range and weren't going to change our ability to save money. (All are slightly more expensive than where we currently reside, but you do have to pay to have more room). So....after about a week of intense and serious searching, we opted to stay here in our complex. At first, we were just going to settle for a downstairs, three bedroom unit, but lo and behold due to an error on one of the girls in the apartments complex office - we end up with the townhome we originally wanted a year ago, but they seldom become available. Now...I am SOOOOO excited. It actually, looks just like the unit I am in, but it is 254 square feet larger. Included in this apartment are washer and dryer hook-ups; two patios, and we get to keep the really cool "Master suite verandah" :-) Yay, Yay, and more yippy, skippy yays!!!
I finished this quarter with an A in both classes and will begin my third quarter taking Social Psyc, and Advanced Research on March 5th. Not much time off, but it's nice not to stress for this week about getting papers submitted.
Eve and I are going to see Lady Antebellum at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo on Thursday. It's our first concert together and I know that Eve is really excited about seeing the show.
Nigel is getting so big...he weighs 2.6 pounds, now...wow - he's gonna be a beast:-)
Joe and Nigel are discombobulated by all the boxes and the sounds of tape being dispensed to secure their closure...it's too funny to watch their head cock to one side and see the inquisition in their eyes about all the weird sounds. The cats are hilarious. They are both eight years old and have been through this before, before, before, and before....they just look extremely irritated by the process.
Planning a trip to Durango, Co. for Christmas this year. Hoping many family will attend and we can all share a beautiful, white Christmas. Looking at a 6 bedroom, 7 bath home for the week of Christmas that sleeps 17...Come on Terry, Heather, Jamie, Kathy, Trich...the more the MERRIER and the less the expense :-)
Okay, gotta go...more packing since I have to work so much over the next 6 weeks. I am back on a full time schedule because Spring Break is on its way.
Love to all...toodles!!!!
Monday, February 13, 2012
It's been a long time
Well, it certainly has been a long while since I have posted to my favorite ranting site. This is where I can unload all my deep - and sometimes, not so deep - thoughts. Lately, the thoughts have been pretty deep.
So, for starters, just to catch up...Chris is still not acting like my son. He acts like some spoiled brat to whom the world, and particularly me, owe everything. It took a long time for me to get past the guilt of leaving him for so many years, but now...I realize his life is clearly a result of the choices he has made. He chose to leave Kristi and his sons, he chose to date a known crack dealer, and he chose to live with a girl who is too young, and too self-absorbed to put anyone's feelings before her own. The latest tantrum of Chris' is that his tax return was taken to pay child support arrearage. I don't even know if that's true because I filled out Chris' taxes and the IRS reports the refund as being deposited. There is no mention of a reduction for tax debt resulting in a balance of zero. Usually, they tell you that the amount of YOUR tax refund has been reduced, and then provides a number to call to find out the particulars. Anyway...Our relationship is so broken that I think it will be many years before Chris and I can sit in the same room again. I love him, but I have to love him from a distance.
On to other things...Eve was offered a position working for the company that laid her off last May. The offer was quite substantial and would have meant a 12,000.00 plus raise per year. This was the eye opener for Eve that her skills are exemplary and that she deserves the good things in life. We talked about why she feels it is inappropriate to ask to be paid what other experts in her field are making. In order to be an expert, a person must do something for 10,000 hours. Well, 10 years into her career (2080*10 = 20,800 hours) Eve has far exceeded the expert mark. I watched the light bulb go off in her head. She was so exicited, but also concerned because the company is a small, family owned operation and there is little room for advancement. She might actually be stuck at that pay rate, and that position for the rest of her career. Just as Eve is ready to take the position (she turned in her resignation letter), her current employer's Vice President calls Eve to his office and asks what it will take to keep her there. They quickly met Eve's demands and Eve is staying with Sun Coast Post Tension. They are an international firm with locations all over the US and in several other countries. The sky is the limit for Eve with the firm and I am glad she made the choice to stay. Whew...that's a lot of information in one paragraph....
I got a new little friend. After Frodo's passing, I just didn't think I would want another pup, but we knew that for Joe's sake, we had to get another puppy soon, or never get one until he passes many years from now. So....Nigel Pinkerton found us. The cutest little tiny chihuahua. He has the sweetest disposition, and likes people (Frodo hated everyone). Nigel is smart, cute, and very kind. He and Joe adore each other and Eve and I couldn't be happier to have him in our family.
Of course there wouldn't be an Andersen household if there weren't some kind of drama unfolding. I was out at the ranch the third weekend in January and while out there, Ed and JJ Spillmon decided to visit me. They were supposed to get a motel room, but instead showed up at Dad's gate without the money to stay elsewhere. To make a long story, very short...they jumped the electric gates in order to get to the main house. UNBELIEVABLE!!!! During this weekend, Joe was out at the ranch to get neutered by our Brenham vet (Dad doesn't like other animals out at his place, but it was just for a moment), the lights in Dad's living room somehow got disabled at the main switch, well-hidden under the carpet, and finally, Dad's antique Omega watch is missing. It was the most horrible experience, and since Dad is very paranoid and automatically assumes the worst...there was a moment of suspicion and accusation. We are going to be okay, but the feelings that always arise when Dad is angry came flooding in and because of that, I handled the situation poorly in the beginning. I had to call and apologize profusely for my bad behavior toward my father.
I got a new car and a new sofa. The Cadillac was going to start costing a lot of money so I traded it in for a 2006 PT Cruiser. I never thought of myself as a PT kind of girl, but I adore it!!!! It's the cutest little car and I love to drive it. As for the furniture, we no longer needed the sleeper sofa (not that we really ever did), and the bulk of sofa, loveseat, and ottoman made our living room feel too small. So, we got an L shaped sectional in nutmeg colored leather. It's very comfy and opens up the space quite nicely.
Eve and I were contemplating getting a larger apartment so I could have a dedicated office space. I find that having my desk and computer in a niche in the living room is quite distracting. My studies have been lacking since the room, and the house often call me away (I know that sounds weird). Anyway, with the new living room arrangement, I am no longer sitting with my back to the television...it's now in my periphery, so it's less distracting in that if some sound catches my attention, I don't have to turn completely around to see...I can shift my head a bit, and see if I need to attend to something. I also know it's not the right move to make because the thought of packing and moving makes me physically sick to my stomach. Never before has the thought of moving done that to me. I may dread the packing and such, but am usually excited about the new space. Not this time, so I will - for the first time in a long time - pay attention to my gut so I don't have to say that I knew I shouldn't have done "something".
Toodles everyone...I will write again soon - hopefully not such a lengthy post.
So, for starters, just to catch up...Chris is still not acting like my son. He acts like some spoiled brat to whom the world, and particularly me, owe everything. It took a long time for me to get past the guilt of leaving him for so many years, but now...I realize his life is clearly a result of the choices he has made. He chose to leave Kristi and his sons, he chose to date a known crack dealer, and he chose to live with a girl who is too young, and too self-absorbed to put anyone's feelings before her own. The latest tantrum of Chris' is that his tax return was taken to pay child support arrearage. I don't even know if that's true because I filled out Chris' taxes and the IRS reports the refund as being deposited. There is no mention of a reduction for tax debt resulting in a balance of zero. Usually, they tell you that the amount of YOUR tax refund has been reduced, and then provides a number to call to find out the particulars. Anyway...Our relationship is so broken that I think it will be many years before Chris and I can sit in the same room again. I love him, but I have to love him from a distance.
On to other things...Eve was offered a position working for the company that laid her off last May. The offer was quite substantial and would have meant a 12,000.00 plus raise per year. This was the eye opener for Eve that her skills are exemplary and that she deserves the good things in life. We talked about why she feels it is inappropriate to ask to be paid what other experts in her field are making. In order to be an expert, a person must do something for 10,000 hours. Well, 10 years into her career (2080*10 = 20,800 hours) Eve has far exceeded the expert mark. I watched the light bulb go off in her head. She was so exicited, but also concerned because the company is a small, family owned operation and there is little room for advancement. She might actually be stuck at that pay rate, and that position for the rest of her career. Just as Eve is ready to take the position (she turned in her resignation letter), her current employer's Vice President calls Eve to his office and asks what it will take to keep her there. They quickly met Eve's demands and Eve is staying with Sun Coast Post Tension. They are an international firm with locations all over the US and in several other countries. The sky is the limit for Eve with the firm and I am glad she made the choice to stay. Whew...that's a lot of information in one paragraph....
I got a new little friend. After Frodo's passing, I just didn't think I would want another pup, but we knew that for Joe's sake, we had to get another puppy soon, or never get one until he passes many years from now. So....Nigel Pinkerton found us. The cutest little tiny chihuahua. He has the sweetest disposition, and likes people (Frodo hated everyone). Nigel is smart, cute, and very kind. He and Joe adore each other and Eve and I couldn't be happier to have him in our family.
Of course there wouldn't be an Andersen household if there weren't some kind of drama unfolding. I was out at the ranch the third weekend in January and while out there, Ed and JJ Spillmon decided to visit me. They were supposed to get a motel room, but instead showed up at Dad's gate without the money to stay elsewhere. To make a long story, very short...they jumped the electric gates in order to get to the main house. UNBELIEVABLE!!!! During this weekend, Joe was out at the ranch to get neutered by our Brenham vet (Dad doesn't like other animals out at his place, but it was just for a moment), the lights in Dad's living room somehow got disabled at the main switch, well-hidden under the carpet, and finally, Dad's antique Omega watch is missing. It was the most horrible experience, and since Dad is very paranoid and automatically assumes the worst...there was a moment of suspicion and accusation. We are going to be okay, but the feelings that always arise when Dad is angry came flooding in and because of that, I handled the situation poorly in the beginning. I had to call and apologize profusely for my bad behavior toward my father.
I got a new car and a new sofa. The Cadillac was going to start costing a lot of money so I traded it in for a 2006 PT Cruiser. I never thought of myself as a PT kind of girl, but I adore it!!!! It's the cutest little car and I love to drive it. As for the furniture, we no longer needed the sleeper sofa (not that we really ever did), and the bulk of sofa, loveseat, and ottoman made our living room feel too small. So, we got an L shaped sectional in nutmeg colored leather. It's very comfy and opens up the space quite nicely.
Eve and I were contemplating getting a larger apartment so I could have a dedicated office space. I find that having my desk and computer in a niche in the living room is quite distracting. My studies have been lacking since the room, and the house often call me away (I know that sounds weird). Anyway, with the new living room arrangement, I am no longer sitting with my back to the television...it's now in my periphery, so it's less distracting in that if some sound catches my attention, I don't have to turn completely around to see...I can shift my head a bit, and see if I need to attend to something. I also know it's not the right move to make because the thought of packing and moving makes me physically sick to my stomach. Never before has the thought of moving done that to me. I may dread the packing and such, but am usually excited about the new space. Not this time, so I will - for the first time in a long time - pay attention to my gut so I don't have to say that I knew I shouldn't have done "something".
Toodles everyone...I will write again soon - hopefully not such a lengthy post.
Monday, December 19, 2011
My Crazy Life
My world has been topsy turvy for the last couple of months, but the past 10 days have been the most difficult.
I had a wonderful time in Hawaii even though I didn't get to see much of it. We went to class early in the morning, and didn't get out until the sun was down. So...the beach in the moonlight is gorgeous!!!!!
I did a tiny bit of shopping...it cost so much to attend this residency. I was able to get a hat and a shotglass for Eve. My friends got a t-shirt, a hat, a box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts and a coffee cup. I got a t-shirt and a coffee cup...and of course, as is mine and Eve's tradition...a refrigerator magnet. Sum total of souvenirs...150.00 (can you believe those few things cost that much?!!!!).
The horrible thing that happened is that the day before I left for Hawaii, Mister Frodo seemed to be in distress. He often has trouble breathing so we chalked it up to a change in climate and the stress of seeing my suitcases. Whenever I am gone, he will not eat, mopes around, and acts like the world is going to end. This coincidence masked the fact that Mister was dying. I would call Eve every day and ask how he was doing, but she felt he was okay and having no more difficulty than usual. When I returned from Hawaii, I realized my little guy was close to death - severely dehydrated and not getting enough oxygen. I spent most of the day on the phone with the vet since our finances are so bad, I couldn't afford to just run in there all willy nilly with no way to pay. (It's reprehensible that there's no emergency care for pets like there is for humans...if you don't have money...the vet won't see you). Anyway...we're fortunate to have a wonderful vet who met us at his office on Monday night and took Frodo in, stayed with him all night, and helped him make the transition over the rainbow bridge in our place. Dr. Bryant cried with us the next morning and allowed us to pay in payments. The bill was 571.60.
I miss my little dog so much that it hurts as though I have lost a human. I never thought I would be that affected; however, I break down during the day periodically. It's been a week since Frodo left my side, and I feel like this pain will never subside. Even though I know it will....I just cannot bear it.
If you can't tell...I am in a bit of a funk. Last night Eve decided that she would like to go Christmas shopping. She was excited and happy and then we entered the store. Eve is the worst shopper EVER....it's frustrating and difficult to go with her. She says things like I know what to get our family members and that I understand them and their tastes. Then when I pick something I know they will really enjoy...she refuses to agree, doesn't want to get "THAT", and makes me miserable in the process. Eve is happy to go to Walmart and one-stop Shop....I hate that!!!!! In the mood I am in...if I get ONE more stock gift or sub quality gift from that place...I WILL SCREAM and throw a tantrum!!!!! It just takes planning and shopping to find the perfect gift for someone...whether you have 10 dollars or 10 thousand dollars doesn't limit the possibilities of finding that one special thing someone will treasure forever. You just have to think about the person...who they are...what's important to them...how they dress, what kind of car they have...where they work...all those things speak to what a person stands for...once you get that...getting a gift isn't all that difficult. For Eve...I would suggest she stick with gift cards and let everyone choose their own present!
Okay, gonna go...shouldn't be writing in this weird mood.
I had a wonderful time in Hawaii even though I didn't get to see much of it. We went to class early in the morning, and didn't get out until the sun was down. So...the beach in the moonlight is gorgeous!!!!!
I did a tiny bit of shopping...it cost so much to attend this residency. I was able to get a hat and a shotglass for Eve. My friends got a t-shirt, a hat, a box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts and a coffee cup. I got a t-shirt and a coffee cup...and of course, as is mine and Eve's tradition...a refrigerator magnet. Sum total of souvenirs...150.00 (can you believe those few things cost that much?!!!!).
The horrible thing that happened is that the day before I left for Hawaii, Mister Frodo seemed to be in distress. He often has trouble breathing so we chalked it up to a change in climate and the stress of seeing my suitcases. Whenever I am gone, he will not eat, mopes around, and acts like the world is going to end. This coincidence masked the fact that Mister was dying. I would call Eve every day and ask how he was doing, but she felt he was okay and having no more difficulty than usual. When I returned from Hawaii, I realized my little guy was close to death - severely dehydrated and not getting enough oxygen. I spent most of the day on the phone with the vet since our finances are so bad, I couldn't afford to just run in there all willy nilly with no way to pay. (It's reprehensible that there's no emergency care for pets like there is for humans...if you don't have money...the vet won't see you). Anyway...we're fortunate to have a wonderful vet who met us at his office on Monday night and took Frodo in, stayed with him all night, and helped him make the transition over the rainbow bridge in our place. Dr. Bryant cried with us the next morning and allowed us to pay in payments. The bill was 571.60.
I miss my little dog so much that it hurts as though I have lost a human. I never thought I would be that affected; however, I break down during the day periodically. It's been a week since Frodo left my side, and I feel like this pain will never subside. Even though I know it will....I just cannot bear it.
If you can't tell...I am in a bit of a funk. Last night Eve decided that she would like to go Christmas shopping. She was excited and happy and then we entered the store. Eve is the worst shopper EVER....it's frustrating and difficult to go with her. She says things like I know what to get our family members and that I understand them and their tastes. Then when I pick something I know they will really enjoy...she refuses to agree, doesn't want to get "THAT", and makes me miserable in the process. Eve is happy to go to Walmart and one-stop Shop....I hate that!!!!! In the mood I am in...if I get ONE more stock gift or sub quality gift from that place...I WILL SCREAM and throw a tantrum!!!!! It just takes planning and shopping to find the perfect gift for someone...whether you have 10 dollars or 10 thousand dollars doesn't limit the possibilities of finding that one special thing someone will treasure forever. You just have to think about the person...who they are...what's important to them...how they dress, what kind of car they have...where they work...all those things speak to what a person stands for...once you get that...getting a gift isn't all that difficult. For Eve...I would suggest she stick with gift cards and let everyone choose their own present!
Okay, gonna go...shouldn't be writing in this weird mood.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Updating the drama
So..I said I would keep you posted in the Thanksgiving festivities around our home.
First, Christopher still hasn't spoken one word to me. In addition, He and/or Amy tried to pull a fast one with their one remaining line of cell phone service. Eve and I would have missed it if they hadn't screwed themselves in the process. Apparently one of them logged into Tmobile using the administrator account (probably Eve's since I changed my password the day of the trouble a month ago) and changed the administrator permission for Amy's phone number. Then, they changed the minutes allowed to unlimited (which is an additional fee of 20.00 per month). When this was done, Tmobile offered a limit on FREE minutes to 1000. They chose the option (Didn't really understand what they were doing). So....On Friday evening, Amy's phone stopped allowing phone calls. She texted and begged me to turn the phone back on; unsuspend Chris' line; or give her more minutes. Eve and I checked her minute usage and she still had 123 left (they are only allowed 500 minutes per month). To make this long story short...while at the theater on Sunday, Amy sent another text asking me to PLEASE turn her phone back on...I had had enough and called Tmobile to find out why Amy's phone wasn't working. That's when we find out about what they did and how they shot themselves in the foot. Because they chose the option to limit FREE calls to 1000, all the weekend calls are free, and her phone wouldn't permit calls once she reached that amount of minutes. I think it's hilarious!!!!! So, I let them know that I found out what they did...fixed the problem with Tmobile and will suffer no additional costs...and told Amy that she has until January 1 to get her own phone...we're turning off the phone that date with no exceptions. So...we won't be seeing the kids for Thanksgiving.
I sent the letter my Dad asked me to send to my Mother in regard to her accusations of theft. First...the letter did not reach her. I sent it to the wrong address (7402 instead of 7502). Of course, anyone who knows my paperwork demon understands that this kind of thing is to be expected in my life. Since the letter didn't arrive as it should have...Dad had a moment of suspicion and believed I had not sent the letter - and worse...maybe was guilty of what I was accused. Next, I corrected the address and re-mailed the letter. Mom did receive it because I sent it registered mail. Mom tells Dad she is NOT coming to Thanksgiving at the ranch. My brother calls Joyce (Dad's office manager and personal assistant) and tells her that he and Lauren will not be attending Thanksgiving because Mom will not be there. (I knew this was going to happen). Dad was beside himself with grief...he had built up some unrealistic family reconciliation. Finally, I received a response to my letter, yesterday. In a nutshell...Mom does not believe my innocence, claims that I paid for the cruise tickets in 2008 with money stolen from my Dad (because there was a problem with mine and Dad's credit cards around that time and she told me to give back the cruise tickets[which weren't purchased through dad's card] and I refused). OMG!!!! Oh My God!!!!
So, Dad, Tim, Eve, and I have decided that we are going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving with no mention of THOSE people. Enough is Enough!!!!! I have decided that a relationship with my Mother is not all that wonderful. I spent 15 years with not one word from her. During that time, I idealized what our relationship used to be like and how nice it would be to have that again...I am perfectly content to go back to missing her, and remember only the good times. I don't like how she makes me feel. I like me, and many people like me. I refuse to allow her to make me think there's good reason they shouldn't.
I intent to love my brother from a healthy distance...This isn't the first time he has said something horrible about me to ingratiate himself into Mom's life again. They are perfect suited to one another. I don't wish to participate.
I am fortunate to have my Dad and will cherish whatever time there is left for us. He genuinely loves me and even likes me. I feel the same about him.
As for my REAL family...their last name is Tate, Scott, Mann, Spaniel, Wilcox, Sutton, Sheffer, and any other I have forgotten. These are the people who love me unconditionally and treat me like an interesting person and not a person of interest. I love you all, those of you who read this, and those who may hear it from the grapevine. I am grateful, thankful, and so honored to be part of this family!!!!
First, Christopher still hasn't spoken one word to me. In addition, He and/or Amy tried to pull a fast one with their one remaining line of cell phone service. Eve and I would have missed it if they hadn't screwed themselves in the process. Apparently one of them logged into Tmobile using the administrator account (probably Eve's since I changed my password the day of the trouble a month ago) and changed the administrator permission for Amy's phone number. Then, they changed the minutes allowed to unlimited (which is an additional fee of 20.00 per month). When this was done, Tmobile offered a limit on FREE minutes to 1000. They chose the option (Didn't really understand what they were doing). So....On Friday evening, Amy's phone stopped allowing phone calls. She texted and begged me to turn the phone back on; unsuspend Chris' line; or give her more minutes. Eve and I checked her minute usage and she still had 123 left (they are only allowed 500 minutes per month). To make this long story short...while at the theater on Sunday, Amy sent another text asking me to PLEASE turn her phone back on...I had had enough and called Tmobile to find out why Amy's phone wasn't working. That's when we find out about what they did and how they shot themselves in the foot. Because they chose the option to limit FREE calls to 1000, all the weekend calls are free, and her phone wouldn't permit calls once she reached that amount of minutes. I think it's hilarious!!!!! So, I let them know that I found out what they did...fixed the problem with Tmobile and will suffer no additional costs...and told Amy that she has until January 1 to get her own phone...we're turning off the phone that date with no exceptions. So...we won't be seeing the kids for Thanksgiving.
I sent the letter my Dad asked me to send to my Mother in regard to her accusations of theft. First...the letter did not reach her. I sent it to the wrong address (7402 instead of 7502). Of course, anyone who knows my paperwork demon understands that this kind of thing is to be expected in my life. Since the letter didn't arrive as it should have...Dad had a moment of suspicion and believed I had not sent the letter - and worse...maybe was guilty of what I was accused. Next, I corrected the address and re-mailed the letter. Mom did receive it because I sent it registered mail. Mom tells Dad she is NOT coming to Thanksgiving at the ranch. My brother calls Joyce (Dad's office manager and personal assistant) and tells her that he and Lauren will not be attending Thanksgiving because Mom will not be there. (I knew this was going to happen). Dad was beside himself with grief...he had built up some unrealistic family reconciliation. Finally, I received a response to my letter, yesterday. In a nutshell...Mom does not believe my innocence, claims that I paid for the cruise tickets in 2008 with money stolen from my Dad (because there was a problem with mine and Dad's credit cards around that time and she told me to give back the cruise tickets[which weren't purchased through dad's card] and I refused). OMG!!!! Oh My God!!!!
So, Dad, Tim, Eve, and I have decided that we are going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving with no mention of THOSE people. Enough is Enough!!!!! I have decided that a relationship with my Mother is not all that wonderful. I spent 15 years with not one word from her. During that time, I idealized what our relationship used to be like and how nice it would be to have that again...I am perfectly content to go back to missing her, and remember only the good times. I don't like how she makes me feel. I like me, and many people like me. I refuse to allow her to make me think there's good reason they shouldn't.
I intent to love my brother from a healthy distance...This isn't the first time he has said something horrible about me to ingratiate himself into Mom's life again. They are perfect suited to one another. I don't wish to participate.
I am fortunate to have my Dad and will cherish whatever time there is left for us. He genuinely loves me and even likes me. I feel the same about him.
As for my REAL family...their last name is Tate, Scott, Mann, Spaniel, Wilcox, Sutton, Sheffer, and any other I have forgotten. These are the people who love me unconditionally and treat me like an interesting person and not a person of interest. I love you all, those of you who read this, and those who may hear it from the grapevine. I am grateful, thankful, and so honored to be part of this family!!!!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
A little time..I hear it has healing properties.
So...a week has gone by since Chris' temper tantrum. There is still no word from him, or even about him. I am okay, though. It is amazing that even the anger has dissipated. I am just over it, and waiting for the reconciliation.
Speaking of reconciliations...on Tuesday (when the pain of my son's actions are still fresh), my Dad calls to let me in on why my mother decided to stop speaking to me last year. WOW...first and foremost...WOW. Well, apparently my mother was given information about me that she is believing as, "God's truth". This information could have only come from my brother and it is in regard to activities at Texas MEP where I, Eve, and my brother worked in 2008-2010. So, here's the newest list of things I have done....
I stole "$2500.00 or more" from Texas MEP...I stole $1600.00" from my Dad, and I have stolen some undisclosed sum of money from my mother. WELL SHIT...first...I didn't steal anything from anyone, second...If I had stolen $2500.00 or more wouldn't I have been arrested? If I had stolen that much money from my father...does anyone think he would be speaking to me (We all know that he stops speaking over bad grades), and if I had stolen money from my mother...why on earth would she refuse to disclose an amount?
If the problem with Chris wasn't enough...this added fuel to my fires of regret and guilt. Always the scapegoat, always the reason my family is miserable, and forever paying for the sins of my past. At least that's how I felt for about 10 minutes. Then I remembered...I paid my debt, I strive to be the best person I can be...I have made amends. Finally, I am worth loving, I am strong, victorious, brave, and most of all...I deserve to be treated like a person and not like a suspect.
To appease my father, I sent my mother a letter with my letters of recommendation from a company I supposedly stole from, enclosed. However, Thanksgiving will be interesting, and I hope it doesn't turn into a fiasco I should have simply avoided. Eve and I laugh about it, and say that we should just make the day trip to Bossier and spend the day with people we love, and who love us without condition or exception.
Will keep you posted on how Turkey Day turns out....If nothing else, this wake up call was for me. It was an opportunity to remind me that I am somebody worth loving. It's amazing how far from that concept the last few years of constant scrutiny and recrimination has done to undo what Pat, Kathy, Tricha and Eve taught me so many years ago...I am loved beyond measure for being myself...even with all my faults and frailties intact.
Speaking of reconciliations...on Tuesday (when the pain of my son's actions are still fresh), my Dad calls to let me in on why my mother decided to stop speaking to me last year. WOW...first and foremost...WOW. Well, apparently my mother was given information about me that she is believing as, "God's truth". This information could have only come from my brother and it is in regard to activities at Texas MEP where I, Eve, and my brother worked in 2008-2010. So, here's the newest list of things I have done....
I stole "$2500.00 or more" from Texas MEP...I stole $1600.00" from my Dad, and I have stolen some undisclosed sum of money from my mother. WELL SHIT...first...I didn't steal anything from anyone, second...If I had stolen $2500.00 or more wouldn't I have been arrested? If I had stolen that much money from my father...does anyone think he would be speaking to me (We all know that he stops speaking over bad grades), and if I had stolen money from my mother...why on earth would she refuse to disclose an amount?
If the problem with Chris wasn't enough...this added fuel to my fires of regret and guilt. Always the scapegoat, always the reason my family is miserable, and forever paying for the sins of my past. At least that's how I felt for about 10 minutes. Then I remembered...I paid my debt, I strive to be the best person I can be...I have made amends. Finally, I am worth loving, I am strong, victorious, brave, and most of all...I deserve to be treated like a person and not like a suspect.
To appease my father, I sent my mother a letter with my letters of recommendation from a company I supposedly stole from, enclosed. However, Thanksgiving will be interesting, and I hope it doesn't turn into a fiasco I should have simply avoided. Eve and I laugh about it, and say that we should just make the day trip to Bossier and spend the day with people we love, and who love us without condition or exception.
Will keep you posted on how Turkey Day turns out....If nothing else, this wake up call was for me. It was an opportunity to remind me that I am somebody worth loving. It's amazing how far from that concept the last few years of constant scrutiny and recrimination has done to undo what Pat, Kathy, Tricha and Eve taught me so many years ago...I am loved beyond measure for being myself...even with all my faults and frailties intact.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
A Whole lot of Pain
The last day and a half have been very painful for me. I must look at the situation as a wake up call, and a reminder about how far I have come in my life. There have been times when I forget, when I choose to overlook the accomplishments, and when I measure what I have on what I think I deserve.
Unfortunately, Christopher decided the best place to air his anger and spew his venom is on a public forum - FaceBook. Chris decided it was his right to post about my prison interment and his loss of a mother for all those years right there on his page for the whole world to see. I am not worried about his friends, or my friends and family...I am livid that now, my co-workers, and colleagues in school, and friends who do not know about my past have opportunity to judge me based on a past they know nothing about.
Still, as angry as I am...I did what I did...I did spend 8 years in prison...I did leave my child (not to fend for himself, though - he was left with someone I trusted and cared for). It was not Chris' right to post that, but neither was it his choice those many years ago.
Here's the thing...rather than be proud of how far he and I have come since that time; rather than cherish the relationship we have been able to build in the 8 years since I have been home; rather than appreciate that he had a wife who loved me anyway...came to visit me in prison...let me care for the kids; rather than be thankful that I kept my life on hold, tied up our money, and risked everything to ensure his well-being all the years; Chris decides to wallow in the loss of his adolescence.
When I came home from prison, we worked through the time-line as though nothing had changed. Chris acted 14 - I treated him like he was 14. He got video games, and a place to stay...he got my full attention (even when that attention was a disservice to Eve), Chris got my advice, my chastisement, my support, and my undying devotion as a good mother. Our relationship mimicked that of a kid growing up and mother learning to accept her child's independence. It was a hard row to hoe, but I thought we had done it.
I know how angry my son is - and has a right to be. I have begged him to yell, scream, tell me how much he hated me for leaving. I have begged him to see a counselor. Nope...he's not ready. When he split from Kristi, I think he lost himself and the image of family. Every step has been in the direction of replacing what he threw away.
The most difficult part of this rift is the knowing that it is the final step for his adulthood. For some, the baby goes away to college, for others they simply watch their child walk down the aisle to a new and separate life...for me and Chris this is the necessary step for him to experience what it is to CHOOSE to leave home and live it on his own terms. I can accept that. I may not like how it feels, but at least, I can recognize it for what it is.
As for how he has treated Eve, as for "outing" me on FaceBook...Eve says she will never forgive him. I know she will. She has been a part of his life since he was 18 years old - he's almost 31 now. It will be a long time, though - I know that.
I sit here and think about how much this is part of the plan, but I cannot stop the tears streaming down my cheeks and the hole in my heart that hurts so bad, I am unsure of where to put the pain. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. But, this too, shall pass...it always does.
Unfortunately, Christopher decided the best place to air his anger and spew his venom is on a public forum - FaceBook. Chris decided it was his right to post about my prison interment and his loss of a mother for all those years right there on his page for the whole world to see. I am not worried about his friends, or my friends and family...I am livid that now, my co-workers, and colleagues in school, and friends who do not know about my past have opportunity to judge me based on a past they know nothing about.
Still, as angry as I am...I did what I did...I did spend 8 years in prison...I did leave my child (not to fend for himself, though - he was left with someone I trusted and cared for). It was not Chris' right to post that, but neither was it his choice those many years ago.
Here's the thing...rather than be proud of how far he and I have come since that time; rather than cherish the relationship we have been able to build in the 8 years since I have been home; rather than appreciate that he had a wife who loved me anyway...came to visit me in prison...let me care for the kids; rather than be thankful that I kept my life on hold, tied up our money, and risked everything to ensure his well-being all the years; Chris decides to wallow in the loss of his adolescence.
When I came home from prison, we worked through the time-line as though nothing had changed. Chris acted 14 - I treated him like he was 14. He got video games, and a place to stay...he got my full attention (even when that attention was a disservice to Eve), Chris got my advice, my chastisement, my support, and my undying devotion as a good mother. Our relationship mimicked that of a kid growing up and mother learning to accept her child's independence. It was a hard row to hoe, but I thought we had done it.
I know how angry my son is - and has a right to be. I have begged him to yell, scream, tell me how much he hated me for leaving. I have begged him to see a counselor. Nope...he's not ready. When he split from Kristi, I think he lost himself and the image of family. Every step has been in the direction of replacing what he threw away.
The most difficult part of this rift is the knowing that it is the final step for his adulthood. For some, the baby goes away to college, for others they simply watch their child walk down the aisle to a new and separate life...for me and Chris this is the necessary step for him to experience what it is to CHOOSE to leave home and live it on his own terms. I can accept that. I may not like how it feels, but at least, I can recognize it for what it is.
As for how he has treated Eve, as for "outing" me on FaceBook...Eve says she will never forgive him. I know she will. She has been a part of his life since he was 18 years old - he's almost 31 now. It will be a long time, though - I know that.
I sit here and think about how much this is part of the plan, but I cannot stop the tears streaming down my cheeks and the hole in my heart that hurts so bad, I am unsure of where to put the pain. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. But, this too, shall pass...it always does.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Being Andersen
My son is truly and Andersen. Whether he likes that, or continues on his current path, his actions prove his "Andersenship" more than ever.
I don't remember if everyone remembers what happened in 2009 - right after the cruise, but Chris ended his marriage to Kristi, took his children from their Rayville home for a month, and started living with a woman who was a well-known drug dealer in the Brenham area. Chris was using meth amphetamines (He had a psychotic break in April of the same year and spent a day hallucinating about people with guns all over the property). Eve and I did what we could - short of hospitalizing him - to get him safe. We called Kristi to come help since she would be the only person who could commit him, if necessary. Instead, Kristi got Chris to return to Rayville with her, and we hoped the worst had passed. Little did we know at the time, it was just a waiting game.
In my professional opinion, Chris suffered some irreparable brain damage from that experience because he has never been the same. There was a clear and distinct personality split wherein Chris decided to use his "real" name, Jacob. (That's long story and perhaps I will share it one day). Chris moved back into our home in October of 2009 under the guise of working for T A Design. He started seeing the same girl he was seeing during his drug episode. While Eve and I were away on the family cruise, Chris had the girl and her two children living in my home without permission and then lied about whether or not she was there. When we found out, he was livid and Eve and I were just being mean. During that time, I had also advised Chris to get his kids if he wanted them...I didn't mean GO get the kids, I meant, fight for them and reasonable visitation. Anyway, he and his new girlfriend went to Louisiana and took the kids out of school and Dylan and Alex lived with Chris and Dee and her drug warped father, and step-mother, and their children in a three bedroom, single wide trailer for one month. Eve and I failed, in that we let Kristi stay in our home...taking away Chris' only safe place on earth - but I cannot change the past...he was living in his insanity, and Eve and I made a bad decision.
During that time, Jacob allowed his live-in girlfriend to send text messages to me counting the numerous occasions I have failed as a mother. She cussed, accused, and 'told me all about myself'. I can handle the truth of what I did or didn't do for my son as he grew into adulthood. I am responsible for my actions. I am not; however, responsible for what he chooses, and how he lives his life - TODAY. Still I was (and always will be)willing to hear what he has to say and power through whatever he needs to get off his chest so he can move forward in life. Chris - no Jacob - decided to never speak to me again. He called Eve every name in the book and the venom he spewed was just as toxic as the drugs he consumed.
Once again, Chris ended the relationship with the girl and moved in with me and Eve. There were profuse apologies, cards and letters expressing his sorrow, and a repair of the relationship between Chris and Eve. It wasn't long, though - that Chris got into another relationship. He started seeing Amy, the girl with one child living with the father and one child growing in her belly. Gage and Kaleob have become just as important as my own, blood, grandchildren even though they belong to Amy and her ex.
We allowed Chris and Amy (Amy only calls Chris Jacob)to move in with us, and it's been a fiasco ever since. They finally moved into their own place in April of this year.
All of this back story is to get to the point that Chris - no Jacob - has decided, once again, that he no longer has a mother, wants a relationship, or loves and respects Eve. All of this over the fact that Eve and I have new phones and he and Amy still have old ones. So...let me break down the things he has gotten since my return home in 2004:
Eve and I got our new house in May of 2004 and Chris, Kristi, Dylan and Alex moved in with us the same day. They lived there- rent free - for three months and then Eve and Chris got into a fight about the electric bill and Chris and his family moved out to Ed's house for about 6 months. Then they moved back in with us. They lived there for another year, and then moved into their own place until they could not pay the bills. They moved to Rayville to live with Kristi's mom for a few months. In June of 2006, Eve and I moved to Houston to attend the University of Houston. We lived in a one bedroom, loft apartment. Chris and the family moved in with us...in that little bitty apartment...in October of that year. They lived there, rent free, until they found their own apartment. Eve and I moved to a townhouse on the southeast side of Houston, and it wasn't even a month until they moved in again. Again, rent free. Then Chris and Kristi went back to Rayville while I was on the archaeological dig (2008). When I returned, and Eve and I moved into the Belcamp house and then begins the rest of the story.
During all these 'live-ins', we have NEVER charged rent...we have only ever asked for Chris and his family to provide food. We have provided them with cell phones - at no cost - and allowed Chris to have the phone he wanted. Well, the phone was exactly what he wanted until it wasn't anymore, and then it was a POS that we tried to pass off to him. We have fed him, clothed him, let him use our car without restriction, given him gas money, and bought his cigarettes.
Each time, the use of our things has diminished in value to the point that Chris believes we owe him and are passing him over. Kristi wrecked my Mustang and then said, "They would HELP pay for the repairs"...Chris took my Ford Five Hundred to places I told him I didn't want it to go. He left me without transportation when my brother was in a motorcycle accident because he didn't want to come back (So, he just stopped answering the cell phone we provided for him, and came home with a story about how he fell asleep on the side of the road because he was so tired). He used my car to go back and forth to work 60 miles away (that's 120 miles a day)leaving me without my own transportation, and had the nerve to refuse to pay for oil changes and new tires when the time came due and there was no choice but to do those things or damage the vehicle. When they moved into the Forest Bluff house, I put them in the guestroom, but that wasn't good enough, or big enough, so I had to move my office out of the huge, back room, so they could have a place that felt comfortable. It's not that I HAD to do it, but the whining and complaining was incessant, so the decision was made to accommodate Chris and Amy. Then came the 'phone wars'. By default - not request - Eve and I got two new lines so we could get the phones we wanted for free. We discussed this with Chris and Amy prior to making the decision and Tmobile was running a deal that kids lines were free for one year. They wanted the phones and we gave them our old phones. They said they were happy with that, but of course, Chris is never happy. Chris wanted a touch screen so we agreed he could have a new phone as long as it didn't require data. He picked the phone he wanted. We went to the store and I ended up paying 250 for that phone. I could not use the phone I bought, so I offered it to Amy...Chris lost his ever loving mind and took the phone for himself. and gave Amy his phone. When he took my phone, he was told that he would have to pay for the data service (10.00 a month)..he NEVER paid. After a couple of months, we realized that we were going to suffer overage charges if we didn't increase the data for Chris' line - we did...20 a month. Things were okay for a minute. To get the phone I could use, we got another line (Since it was free). At this point there were no upgrades available for use....In July, Eve's line became eligible for an upgrade and she purchased a new phone. It was not the phone she wanted, it was the phone we could afford. Then my original line became eligible, so we bought a new phone for me. Chris took my old phone, but didn't like it and returned it. We had a family pow wow because Chris accused us of using the upgrades that should have been his and Amy's. Thought we had settled the issue (as much as you can settle anything with chris). Then, Chris took Eve's old phone and complained incessantly that he didn't like it. We told them again, that their lines would be eligible for partial upgrade in November of full upgrade in February...they were welcome to use the upgrade and we would even pitch in the 90.00 that Eve spent on her upgrade toward Amy's upgrade since Amy was the only one to never get a new phone. (Wasn't that really nice of us?) Finally, last night the kids came over for dinner and Chris noticed that Eve had a new phone (We bought it on Ebay because it was the phone that she really wanted). He got mad, left the house, and then sent me a text message about how I could turn his phone off because, once again, we didn't get Amy a new phone. WELL SHIT...
Chris decided that I am no longer his mother, he is going to change his name, and Eve is a BullDyke from hell. We owe them phones - for free, apparently. Over the years we have made sure Chris and his family had a roof over their head, transportation to and fro, cell phones and all the family support possible. Our current phone bill is 287.00 per month, for which he has paid a whopping 40.00 in 18 months.
So...whether my son wants to admit it or not...he is more an Andersen than I will ever be. The Andersen's believe in taking away their relationship with you if they disagree...My mom went 15 years without speaking a word to me. The most recent incommunicado has lasted 10 months. My Dad doesn't speak when he's angry, either. Unless you do what they want, you're nothing to them and not worth the conversation, relationship, or love. Here's to another Holiday season spent broken by someone in the family...weehoooo!
All over a phone...really?!!!
I don't remember if everyone remembers what happened in 2009 - right after the cruise, but Chris ended his marriage to Kristi, took his children from their Rayville home for a month, and started living with a woman who was a well-known drug dealer in the Brenham area. Chris was using meth amphetamines (He had a psychotic break in April of the same year and spent a day hallucinating about people with guns all over the property). Eve and I did what we could - short of hospitalizing him - to get him safe. We called Kristi to come help since she would be the only person who could commit him, if necessary. Instead, Kristi got Chris to return to Rayville with her, and we hoped the worst had passed. Little did we know at the time, it was just a waiting game.
In my professional opinion, Chris suffered some irreparable brain damage from that experience because he has never been the same. There was a clear and distinct personality split wherein Chris decided to use his "real" name, Jacob. (That's long story and perhaps I will share it one day). Chris moved back into our home in October of 2009 under the guise of working for T A Design. He started seeing the same girl he was seeing during his drug episode. While Eve and I were away on the family cruise, Chris had the girl and her two children living in my home without permission and then lied about whether or not she was there. When we found out, he was livid and Eve and I were just being mean. During that time, I had also advised Chris to get his kids if he wanted them...I didn't mean GO get the kids, I meant, fight for them and reasonable visitation. Anyway, he and his new girlfriend went to Louisiana and took the kids out of school and Dylan and Alex lived with Chris and Dee and her drug warped father, and step-mother, and their children in a three bedroom, single wide trailer for one month. Eve and I failed, in that we let Kristi stay in our home...taking away Chris' only safe place on earth - but I cannot change the past...he was living in his insanity, and Eve and I made a bad decision.
During that time, Jacob allowed his live-in girlfriend to send text messages to me counting the numerous occasions I have failed as a mother. She cussed, accused, and 'told me all about myself'. I can handle the truth of what I did or didn't do for my son as he grew into adulthood. I am responsible for my actions. I am not; however, responsible for what he chooses, and how he lives his life - TODAY. Still I was (and always will be)willing to hear what he has to say and power through whatever he needs to get off his chest so he can move forward in life. Chris - no Jacob - decided to never speak to me again. He called Eve every name in the book and the venom he spewed was just as toxic as the drugs he consumed.
Once again, Chris ended the relationship with the girl and moved in with me and Eve. There were profuse apologies, cards and letters expressing his sorrow, and a repair of the relationship between Chris and Eve. It wasn't long, though - that Chris got into another relationship. He started seeing Amy, the girl with one child living with the father and one child growing in her belly. Gage and Kaleob have become just as important as my own, blood, grandchildren even though they belong to Amy and her ex.
We allowed Chris and Amy (Amy only calls Chris Jacob)to move in with us, and it's been a fiasco ever since. They finally moved into their own place in April of this year.
All of this back story is to get to the point that Chris - no Jacob - has decided, once again, that he no longer has a mother, wants a relationship, or loves and respects Eve. All of this over the fact that Eve and I have new phones and he and Amy still have old ones. So...let me break down the things he has gotten since my return home in 2004:
Eve and I got our new house in May of 2004 and Chris, Kristi, Dylan and Alex moved in with us the same day. They lived there- rent free - for three months and then Eve and Chris got into a fight about the electric bill and Chris and his family moved out to Ed's house for about 6 months. Then they moved back in with us. They lived there for another year, and then moved into their own place until they could not pay the bills. They moved to Rayville to live with Kristi's mom for a few months. In June of 2006, Eve and I moved to Houston to attend the University of Houston. We lived in a one bedroom, loft apartment. Chris and the family moved in with us...in that little bitty apartment...in October of that year. They lived there, rent free, until they found their own apartment. Eve and I moved to a townhouse on the southeast side of Houston, and it wasn't even a month until they moved in again. Again, rent free. Then Chris and Kristi went back to Rayville while I was on the archaeological dig (2008). When I returned, and Eve and I moved into the Belcamp house and then begins the rest of the story.
During all these 'live-ins', we have NEVER charged rent...we have only ever asked for Chris and his family to provide food. We have provided them with cell phones - at no cost - and allowed Chris to have the phone he wanted. Well, the phone was exactly what he wanted until it wasn't anymore, and then it was a POS that we tried to pass off to him. We have fed him, clothed him, let him use our car without restriction, given him gas money, and bought his cigarettes.
Each time, the use of our things has diminished in value to the point that Chris believes we owe him and are passing him over. Kristi wrecked my Mustang and then said, "They would HELP pay for the repairs"...Chris took my Ford Five Hundred to places I told him I didn't want it to go. He left me without transportation when my brother was in a motorcycle accident because he didn't want to come back (So, he just stopped answering the cell phone we provided for him, and came home with a story about how he fell asleep on the side of the road because he was so tired). He used my car to go back and forth to work 60 miles away (that's 120 miles a day)leaving me without my own transportation, and had the nerve to refuse to pay for oil changes and new tires when the time came due and there was no choice but to do those things or damage the vehicle. When they moved into the Forest Bluff house, I put them in the guestroom, but that wasn't good enough, or big enough, so I had to move my office out of the huge, back room, so they could have a place that felt comfortable. It's not that I HAD to do it, but the whining and complaining was incessant, so the decision was made to accommodate Chris and Amy. Then came the 'phone wars'. By default - not request - Eve and I got two new lines so we could get the phones we wanted for free. We discussed this with Chris and Amy prior to making the decision and Tmobile was running a deal that kids lines were free for one year. They wanted the phones and we gave them our old phones. They said they were happy with that, but of course, Chris is never happy. Chris wanted a touch screen so we agreed he could have a new phone as long as it didn't require data. He picked the phone he wanted. We went to the store and I ended up paying 250 for that phone. I could not use the phone I bought, so I offered it to Amy...Chris lost his ever loving mind and took the phone for himself. and gave Amy his phone. When he took my phone, he was told that he would have to pay for the data service (10.00 a month)..he NEVER paid. After a couple of months, we realized that we were going to suffer overage charges if we didn't increase the data for Chris' line - we did...20 a month. Things were okay for a minute. To get the phone I could use, we got another line (Since it was free). At this point there were no upgrades available for use....In July, Eve's line became eligible for an upgrade and she purchased a new phone. It was not the phone she wanted, it was the phone we could afford. Then my original line became eligible, so we bought a new phone for me. Chris took my old phone, but didn't like it and returned it. We had a family pow wow because Chris accused us of using the upgrades that should have been his and Amy's. Thought we had settled the issue (as much as you can settle anything with chris). Then, Chris took Eve's old phone and complained incessantly that he didn't like it. We told them again, that their lines would be eligible for partial upgrade in November of full upgrade in February...they were welcome to use the upgrade and we would even pitch in the 90.00 that Eve spent on her upgrade toward Amy's upgrade since Amy was the only one to never get a new phone. (Wasn't that really nice of us?) Finally, last night the kids came over for dinner and Chris noticed that Eve had a new phone (We bought it on Ebay because it was the phone that she really wanted). He got mad, left the house, and then sent me a text message about how I could turn his phone off because, once again, we didn't get Amy a new phone. WELL SHIT...
Chris decided that I am no longer his mother, he is going to change his name, and Eve is a BullDyke from hell. We owe them phones - for free, apparently. Over the years we have made sure Chris and his family had a roof over their head, transportation to and fro, cell phones and all the family support possible. Our current phone bill is 287.00 per month, for which he has paid a whopping 40.00 in 18 months.
So...whether my son wants to admit it or not...he is more an Andersen than I will ever be. The Andersen's believe in taking away their relationship with you if they disagree...My mom went 15 years without speaking a word to me. The most recent incommunicado has lasted 10 months. My Dad doesn't speak when he's angry, either. Unless you do what they want, you're nothing to them and not worth the conversation, relationship, or love. Here's to another Holiday season spent broken by someone in the family...weehoooo!
All over a phone...really?!!!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Wow...almost an entire month
I have been a blogger slacker as of late. Bad Kimmie, bad Kimmie! Things have been odd, strange, and weird in our world, lately. The whole family had some version of Montezuma's revenge for about 3 weeks. First Amy and the boys had a bug, then Christopher got it, then me, and finally, Eve. Each of us had something terrible to varying degrees and length. Mostly, it was throwing up and trips to the potty with pail in hand (for the occasional explosion that couldn't be contained). It was horrible and left us weak for days afterward. Fortunately, we are all well again! On the upside...I lost 8 pounds as a result of the illness - weeehooo!
I cannot believe I am going to reveal to everyone that I absolutely hate my PhD program. I don't like the forum, the subject matter, or the lack of interaction from professors. I am also amazed by some of my colleagues. HOW did they get into a PhD program, at all!!!!! One student responded to my discussion post about my future plans with a long discussion about how I intend to provide conversion therapy to "Gays". OMG...even the professor had some admonishment for this participant. I haven't seen her name pop up on anymore discussion questions either. Makes me wonder if she withdrew or was asked to refrain from posting...hmmmm. I would love to re-post her entire discussion, but think that might be unethical on a public forum.
Chris has had trouble finding a way to balance work and school and providing for a family. I am not surprised. People like Kathy, Tricha, and I are actually kind of rare. We are able to focus, prioritize, and plan accordingly in effort to achieve a self-imposed goal. It has nothing to do with intelligence (although we're really smart), it has more to do with personal motivation and convictions. So...Christopher is really smart, but not very motivated or focused. He opted to withdraw from classes until next fall. This would have been a wise decision had he not been laid off from work the very next Monday. Now, he's depressed and feels that he just cannot get ahead. Fortunately, the staffing agency found another position for him right away and he starts his new job today. I told him that things work out exactly as they're supposed to - keep his chin up - yadda yadda yadda, and lo and behold the new position is a forklift operator (which he loves) and the hours are more conducive to his internal clock. Chris works 11-8 M-F and every other Saturday. That's perfect for him...he is NOT a morning person! The pay is 2 dollars less per hour, but he'll be able to bring his wage up when he transitions to a permanent employee.
Something funny did occur. We had rain (no that's not the funny part) and Joe has never seen or heard it since his birth. We had a huge storm with thunder and lightning and skies as dark as rubber. Joe's ears laid back, he cowered, and ran through the house like the roof might cave in at any moment. Even Mr. Frodo forgot what a storm was and sat in my lap trembling and shivering. It was funny to see their reactions. Had you been here, you certainly would have been laughing.
Finally, there is big news. After twelve years, (3 spent apart), Eve has asked me the formal question. On September 18th (because she could not wait until my birthday) she presented me with the most gorgeous ring and asked me to be her partner for life. Of course, I said yes (Eve answered my proposal about 5 years ago). We have applied for our marriage license in New York and have three months to go to the New York Clerk's office to get our license. Then we have 18 months to make it official. So....we're having a commitment ceremony for all of our friends and family on May 04, 2013, and we're having a legal ceremony (complete with name change) shortly before that. We've chosen the venue, the colors, and picked our attire. We're making our guest list (approximately 100 people). It's going to be a fabulous and fun event. We're chartering a yacht so the wedding, dinner, and reception are all inclusive. All of our guests will have a room for the night at the resort where the yacht is located, and we're looking into chartering transportation from Shreveport for all of our Louisiana attendees. I was surprised how economical it is for the rooms and a bus (since we don't have to pay a photographer separately or hire a caterer...budget permits us to pay for the rooms and the charter. WEEHOOO We're excited and we hope everyone we know and love is as excited.
Okay, gonna get to work on my papers. I will do better about blogging. Love to all!!
I cannot believe I am going to reveal to everyone that I absolutely hate my PhD program. I don't like the forum, the subject matter, or the lack of interaction from professors. I am also amazed by some of my colleagues. HOW did they get into a PhD program, at all!!!!! One student responded to my discussion post about my future plans with a long discussion about how I intend to provide conversion therapy to "Gays". OMG...even the professor had some admonishment for this participant. I haven't seen her name pop up on anymore discussion questions either. Makes me wonder if she withdrew or was asked to refrain from posting...hmmmm. I would love to re-post her entire discussion, but think that might be unethical on a public forum.
Chris has had trouble finding a way to balance work and school and providing for a family. I am not surprised. People like Kathy, Tricha, and I are actually kind of rare. We are able to focus, prioritize, and plan accordingly in effort to achieve a self-imposed goal. It has nothing to do with intelligence (although we're really smart), it has more to do with personal motivation and convictions. So...Christopher is really smart, but not very motivated or focused. He opted to withdraw from classes until next fall. This would have been a wise decision had he not been laid off from work the very next Monday. Now, he's depressed and feels that he just cannot get ahead. Fortunately, the staffing agency found another position for him right away and he starts his new job today. I told him that things work out exactly as they're supposed to - keep his chin up - yadda yadda yadda, and lo and behold the new position is a forklift operator (which he loves) and the hours are more conducive to his internal clock. Chris works 11-8 M-F and every other Saturday. That's perfect for him...he is NOT a morning person! The pay is 2 dollars less per hour, but he'll be able to bring his wage up when he transitions to a permanent employee.
Something funny did occur. We had rain (no that's not the funny part) and Joe has never seen or heard it since his birth. We had a huge storm with thunder and lightning and skies as dark as rubber. Joe's ears laid back, he cowered, and ran through the house like the roof might cave in at any moment. Even Mr. Frodo forgot what a storm was and sat in my lap trembling and shivering. It was funny to see their reactions. Had you been here, you certainly would have been laughing.
Finally, there is big news. After twelve years, (3 spent apart), Eve has asked me the formal question. On September 18th (because she could not wait until my birthday) she presented me with the most gorgeous ring and asked me to be her partner for life. Of course, I said yes (Eve answered my proposal about 5 years ago). We have applied for our marriage license in New York and have three months to go to the New York Clerk's office to get our license. Then we have 18 months to make it official. So....we're having a commitment ceremony for all of our friends and family on May 04, 2013, and we're having a legal ceremony (complete with name change) shortly before that. We've chosen the venue, the colors, and picked our attire. We're making our guest list (approximately 100 people). It's going to be a fabulous and fun event. We're chartering a yacht so the wedding, dinner, and reception are all inclusive. All of our guests will have a room for the night at the resort where the yacht is located, and we're looking into chartering transportation from Shreveport for all of our Louisiana attendees. I was surprised how economical it is for the rooms and a bus (since we don't have to pay a photographer separately or hire a caterer...budget permits us to pay for the rooms and the charter. WEEHOOO We're excited and we hope everyone we know and love is as excited.
Okay, gonna get to work on my papers. I will do better about blogging. Love to all!!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
First days of my PhD program
Well, it is finally here. I am reading, writing, and thinking critically again. Hmmm, critical thinking skills require thinking outside the box...well, we all do that each and every day - don't we? For instance, 'what shall I cook for dinner' means that I must assess what food is available in my freezer and pantry, what will both Eve and I like to consume in regard to weather, day's activities, and current cravings or desires, how much time will I need or be willing to expend on this particular meal, and finally, what I can I do differently to this meal or this process to make it more tasty or less time consuming. So, I have critically thought about our dinner and decided that grilled chicken with a side of bowtie fettucini and seared asparagus works well for us. Viola' critical thinking in everyday application!
The Walden University portal is very different than the Kaplan University portal. There is much more resource and professor interaction available; however, it is a little more difficult to navigate. Of course, it's all point and click, but first you have to find what to point at. WOW. I am sure I will be a pro at it within the next couple of weeks. I am already enjoying how the pace works. Kaplan's requirements were very taxing with four 4-10 pages of written essay per week with two, one page peer responses per week. That was approximately 40-50 pages of writing per week!!! OMG! Walden requires me to make a thoughtful two paragraph post to the discussion question and respond to one peer with a meaningful continuation or question in two or less paragraphs. That's a breeze for me at this point. Furthermore, I only have two final projects of 15-20 pages for each class. I am stoked about the ability to apply more research and independent thought to my lessons instead of merely spewing out information so I can get all the work completed on time.
I still have a lot to learn in regard to this program. I have residency requirements to meet and am still not sure about how to make that happen. There is an overview, which states that I must attend four residency functions per year, and attend four conferences per year. However, there is not a clear definition of how, when, and where. I can pull up the calendar, but it doesn't really explain which function is specifically designed for Clinical Psychology students. Guess that means I will be speaking to my academic advisor quite a lot in the beginning. At this moment, it looks like I might be travelling to the University of Hawaii in December to attend my first Academic Year in Residency function. I am excited - if that's the case.
On to a different note...Dad's caretakers left him high and dry about two months ago. Since he has been unable to find replacements, I have been going out to the ranch two to three times a month to attend to things while Dad is in Tahoe or New York. It's nice out there, and I love the country living! I stay in the main house and tend to the dogs, water the plants that are not on the irrigation system, and do general cleaning. It's quiet, relaxing, and oh, so wonderful. Even though I have such a nice time, it's still good to get home after 4-5 days away.
All is going well in our home. Our schedules are pretty solid and it's nice to have the routine. I work on the weekends (THU-SAT - with an occasional SUN), and that pays the rent and some of the other bills. It's nice to have the freedom that my income provides. When I go out the country - Dad pays me the wages I lose by not going in to Dog's Day Inn.
Guess I have rattled on long enough...Oh, I have a wonderful recipe for all who are interested.
Pork Loin
Smoked Gouda
Frozen or fresh Spinach
Dried apricot
Garlic Cloves
Bacon
Toothpicks
salt, pepper, and season to taste
*Pound out the loin until a flat piece of meat
*Generously cover the piece with Spinach, apricot, garlic cloves and top with the smoke gouda
*roll the meat so that your filling is spiraled in the roll
*wrap slices of bacon around the loin roll and use toothpicks to keep them in place
*put the loin on the grill using medium heat and cook for approximately 25-35 minutes. Slice into medallions and serve warm.
I post a really generic recipe so that you can experiment and play with seasonings and portions. The meal can be really spicy or very rich depending on your family's taste buds. Eve and I like the deep smoky flavor of the cheese blended with the sweet hint from the apricot. I would not recommend any orange cheeses, but that's entirely up to you. An interesting twist might be to use Raspberry, Pepper Jack, and grilled onions for your filler. Whatever you do...tell me about the results and ENJOY!!!
The Walden University portal is very different than the Kaplan University portal. There is much more resource and professor interaction available; however, it is a little more difficult to navigate. Of course, it's all point and click, but first you have to find what to point at. WOW. I am sure I will be a pro at it within the next couple of weeks. I am already enjoying how the pace works. Kaplan's requirements were very taxing with four 4-10 pages of written essay per week with two, one page peer responses per week. That was approximately 40-50 pages of writing per week!!! OMG! Walden requires me to make a thoughtful two paragraph post to the discussion question and respond to one peer with a meaningful continuation or question in two or less paragraphs. That's a breeze for me at this point. Furthermore, I only have two final projects of 15-20 pages for each class. I am stoked about the ability to apply more research and independent thought to my lessons instead of merely spewing out information so I can get all the work completed on time.
I still have a lot to learn in regard to this program. I have residency requirements to meet and am still not sure about how to make that happen. There is an overview, which states that I must attend four residency functions per year, and attend four conferences per year. However, there is not a clear definition of how, when, and where. I can pull up the calendar, but it doesn't really explain which function is specifically designed for Clinical Psychology students. Guess that means I will be speaking to my academic advisor quite a lot in the beginning. At this moment, it looks like I might be travelling to the University of Hawaii in December to attend my first Academic Year in Residency function. I am excited - if that's the case.
On to a different note...Dad's caretakers left him high and dry about two months ago. Since he has been unable to find replacements, I have been going out to the ranch two to three times a month to attend to things while Dad is in Tahoe or New York. It's nice out there, and I love the country living! I stay in the main house and tend to the dogs, water the plants that are not on the irrigation system, and do general cleaning. It's quiet, relaxing, and oh, so wonderful. Even though I have such a nice time, it's still good to get home after 4-5 days away.
All is going well in our home. Our schedules are pretty solid and it's nice to have the routine. I work on the weekends (THU-SAT - with an occasional SUN), and that pays the rent and some of the other bills. It's nice to have the freedom that my income provides. When I go out the country - Dad pays me the wages I lose by not going in to Dog's Day Inn.
Guess I have rattled on long enough...Oh, I have a wonderful recipe for all who are interested.
Pork Loin
Smoked Gouda
Frozen or fresh Spinach
Dried apricot
Garlic Cloves
Bacon
Toothpicks
salt, pepper, and season to taste
*Pound out the loin until a flat piece of meat
*Generously cover the piece with Spinach, apricot, garlic cloves and top with the smoke gouda
*roll the meat so that your filling is spiraled in the roll
*wrap slices of bacon around the loin roll and use toothpicks to keep them in place
*put the loin on the grill using medium heat and cook for approximately 25-35 minutes. Slice into medallions and serve warm.
I post a really generic recipe so that you can experiment and play with seasonings and portions. The meal can be really spicy or very rich depending on your family's taste buds. Eve and I like the deep smoky flavor of the cheese blended with the sweet hint from the apricot. I would not recommend any orange cheeses, but that's entirely up to you. An interesting twist might be to use Raspberry, Pepper Jack, and grilled onions for your filler. Whatever you do...tell me about the results and ENJOY!!!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Two weeks of leisure left.
I am just a little shy of two weeks left until I start my PhD program. I am excited, and terrified. Research, studying, writing like a mad woman...ooh, it all starts again.
Today I am going out to the country to dog sit and do a few things out at the ranch while Dad goes to Lake Charles. I was supposed to go out on Wednesday as Dad was going to New York, but because of hurricane Irene, the trip was postponed. It'll be nice and quiet. Just an overnight trip this time. Next week Dad needs me from Thursday thru Sunday. Not sure that will work with my job, though. We will see.
I am enjoying my free time. It's nice to have no responsibilities or pressing engagements for a little bit. My house is spotless, I have read a book, surfed the web, and lazed around for several days. It's been nice, real nice.
Well, I will write more when I have some interesting things to say (not that this was all that interesting). Love to all!!!
Today I am going out to the country to dog sit and do a few things out at the ranch while Dad goes to Lake Charles. I was supposed to go out on Wednesday as Dad was going to New York, but because of hurricane Irene, the trip was postponed. It'll be nice and quiet. Just an overnight trip this time. Next week Dad needs me from Thursday thru Sunday. Not sure that will work with my job, though. We will see.
I am enjoying my free time. It's nice to have no responsibilities or pressing engagements for a little bit. My house is spotless, I have read a book, surfed the web, and lazed around for several days. It's been nice, real nice.
Well, I will write more when I have some interesting things to say (not that this was all that interesting). Love to all!!!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
What to do with self????
Wow, it's been quite a while since I have posted anything so I thought I would take a few moments to catch up.
Today is my first real day of nothing...absolutely nothing...to do. I have a free day to watch television, read a book, go for a walk, or whatever it is I WANT to do. My master's coursework is over and I passed with a 3.78 GPA. I am really excited to have that part of my journey behind me. I learned so much and feel like a 'smart person', now.
My hours at work have been reduced to part time again, and I am really glad about that. I work Thu, Fri, and Sat and every third Sun. It's nice and it's a decent little monthly income to help out.
I have been helping Dad with the caretaker responsibilities out at the ranch lately. I went out to Chappell Hill on Friday and stayed until yesterday afternoon. I missed my home and my dogs and cats, but it was nice to stay out in the country and spend time with Barkley and Bentley.
Eve and I are considering propositioning Dad about purchasing the caretaker's house and a couple of acres in exchange for caretaker duties. It would be the perfect opportunity to have a place of our own, solve Dad's problem in finding competent, reliable, and trustworthy people. Don't know if Dad will agree...he has hopes that I will become rich and famous and working for him will limit my ability to pick up and move. What he doesn't understand, and I hope to sway him, is that I am ready to settle down...I don't foresee getting my PhD and then uprooting my life to go live in Boston or somewhere for a prestigious hospital...I want to put down roots and make my degree work for me, wherever I am. At 47 (almost 48), I own nothing and it will be at least 6-8 years before I am able to afford anything...taking on a new mortgage, and trying to get a life going at 54 isn't my idea of using my time on earth wisely. We'll see what we see...huh?
Chris got a job working where Eve works. He is responsible for servicing their hydraulic pumps. He likes the job and it pays well. Finally, he's not working in the fast food or restaurant industry with kids. He'll be able to support his family and continue his education. I am so happy for him!!
Eve loves her job! I am so happy about that. I find it interesting that Eve will always be a "company man". She enjoys working for someone else and doesn't want the responsibility of running her own business. I don't get that, but it works for her, which means it works for us.
Joe is getting so big!!!! He is such a vocal dog. He barks at just about everything. It's annoying, but it's also pretty darn cute. Frodo plays with him sometimes, but mostly just stays wherever Joe ISN'T.
Okay, gonna stop and decide what NOT to do today. Love to all!!!
Today is my first real day of nothing...absolutely nothing...to do. I have a free day to watch television, read a book, go for a walk, or whatever it is I WANT to do. My master's coursework is over and I passed with a 3.78 GPA. I am really excited to have that part of my journey behind me. I learned so much and feel like a 'smart person', now.
My hours at work have been reduced to part time again, and I am really glad about that. I work Thu, Fri, and Sat and every third Sun. It's nice and it's a decent little monthly income to help out.
I have been helping Dad with the caretaker responsibilities out at the ranch lately. I went out to Chappell Hill on Friday and stayed until yesterday afternoon. I missed my home and my dogs and cats, but it was nice to stay out in the country and spend time with Barkley and Bentley.
Eve and I are considering propositioning Dad about purchasing the caretaker's house and a couple of acres in exchange for caretaker duties. It would be the perfect opportunity to have a place of our own, solve Dad's problem in finding competent, reliable, and trustworthy people. Don't know if Dad will agree...he has hopes that I will become rich and famous and working for him will limit my ability to pick up and move. What he doesn't understand, and I hope to sway him, is that I am ready to settle down...I don't foresee getting my PhD and then uprooting my life to go live in Boston or somewhere for a prestigious hospital...I want to put down roots and make my degree work for me, wherever I am. At 47 (almost 48), I own nothing and it will be at least 6-8 years before I am able to afford anything...taking on a new mortgage, and trying to get a life going at 54 isn't my idea of using my time on earth wisely. We'll see what we see...huh?
Chris got a job working where Eve works. He is responsible for servicing their hydraulic pumps. He likes the job and it pays well. Finally, he's not working in the fast food or restaurant industry with kids. He'll be able to support his family and continue his education. I am so happy for him!!
Eve loves her job! I am so happy about that. I find it interesting that Eve will always be a "company man". She enjoys working for someone else and doesn't want the responsibility of running her own business. I don't get that, but it works for her, which means it works for us.
Joe is getting so big!!!! He is such a vocal dog. He barks at just about everything. It's annoying, but it's also pretty darn cute. Frodo plays with him sometimes, but mostly just stays wherever Joe ISN'T.
Okay, gonna stop and decide what NOT to do today. Love to all!!!
Monday, June 13, 2011
What to do???
Just a rant..needing to rant...sorry y'all.
This morning I am on my computer scoping out my PhD program requirements and trying to figure out when and where I will have to travel. I am excited...one of my residency requirements can be met by going to Honolulu in December. There are two offerings of one week (actually 5 day) residency locations in the year 2011. My program requires I attend one residency session within the first 90 days of entrance to the program. There is one in Virginia in December, but to my knowledge, that one is already filled and I cannot register for it. So, the trip to Honolulu would cost me approximately 2600.00 (this includes registration, hotel room, food, and airfare). That's not too bad considering my tuition reimbursement is designed to cover these kinds of expenses.
Anyway...Eve wakes up, and when I go into the kitchen to tell her how excited I am about this first residency...she loses her ever loving mind. First, she thinks I have to do the residency for the entire 3 months and thinks that we have to move because we cannot afford to live in two separate locations. Then she decides that it is stupid for me to pursue a PhD since I can work in the mental health industry with a Master's. Then she rants and raves that it's too expensive and that I will not be able to afford to attend residencies during my educational pursuit.
I don't do well with NO and I don't do well with that kind of negativity. We both knew this endeavor would be very difficult and costly. It is MY passion and nothing will stand in my way of meeting the program requirements...not even money. Eve is the one who believes she is incapable of working and going to school...she is the one who decided to quit school and work full time....Eve is the one who thinks that it's irrational to strive for the highest degree which allows me to do what I feel is a must in my life. Eve talks about going back to school, but still isn't sure what degree she should pursue. She loves architecture, but those programs are difficult to gain entrance into. She thinks maybe she likes engineering (which is what she does anyway) but doesn't know where to go to school. She is considering taking MORE classes which really don't serve any end...construction management...REALLY? She has spoken to ITT, but they don't offer any programs other than construction management...I am at wits end in regard to her 'weirdness' about school.
I guess I am writing all this down just to get a handle on what I think...I know that any monetary difficulties with travel and residency requirements will be subsidized by Dad who fully supports my decisions and wants to see me reach the pinnacle of success. That is not to say that Dad will pay for everything, only that if I am short, or need some options...he will definitely help me make the mark. Eve refuses to acknowledge that he will make sure I am able to complete the programs.
Oh well...I know Eve and she will move past this. She will balk, whine, moan, and even yell at me, but in the end...she will support me with all of who she is and be proud of the hard work and diligence I have put into this.
This morning I am on my computer scoping out my PhD program requirements and trying to figure out when and where I will have to travel. I am excited...one of my residency requirements can be met by going to Honolulu in December. There are two offerings of one week (actually 5 day) residency locations in the year 2011. My program requires I attend one residency session within the first 90 days of entrance to the program. There is one in Virginia in December, but to my knowledge, that one is already filled and I cannot register for it. So, the trip to Honolulu would cost me approximately 2600.00 (this includes registration, hotel room, food, and airfare). That's not too bad considering my tuition reimbursement is designed to cover these kinds of expenses.
Anyway...Eve wakes up, and when I go into the kitchen to tell her how excited I am about this first residency...she loses her ever loving mind. First, she thinks I have to do the residency for the entire 3 months and thinks that we have to move because we cannot afford to live in two separate locations. Then she decides that it is stupid for me to pursue a PhD since I can work in the mental health industry with a Master's. Then she rants and raves that it's too expensive and that I will not be able to afford to attend residencies during my educational pursuit.
I don't do well with NO and I don't do well with that kind of negativity. We both knew this endeavor would be very difficult and costly. It is MY passion and nothing will stand in my way of meeting the program requirements...not even money. Eve is the one who believes she is incapable of working and going to school...she is the one who decided to quit school and work full time....Eve is the one who thinks that it's irrational to strive for the highest degree which allows me to do what I feel is a must in my life. Eve talks about going back to school, but still isn't sure what degree she should pursue. She loves architecture, but those programs are difficult to gain entrance into. She thinks maybe she likes engineering (which is what she does anyway) but doesn't know where to go to school. She is considering taking MORE classes which really don't serve any end...construction management...REALLY? She has spoken to ITT, but they don't offer any programs other than construction management...I am at wits end in regard to her 'weirdness' about school.
I guess I am writing all this down just to get a handle on what I think...I know that any monetary difficulties with travel and residency requirements will be subsidized by Dad who fully supports my decisions and wants to see me reach the pinnacle of success. That is not to say that Dad will pay for everything, only that if I am short, or need some options...he will definitely help me make the mark. Eve refuses to acknowledge that he will make sure I am able to complete the programs.
Oh well...I know Eve and she will move past this. She will balk, whine, moan, and even yell at me, but in the end...she will support me with all of who she is and be proud of the hard work and diligence I have put into this.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Back to work
Well, the summer money I can make grooming is a choice I am making. The travel and conference expenses I will incur during my PhD program will benefit from whatever I can put away in savings from this summer's work at Dogs Day Inn. I like my co-workers and enjoy grooming enough to make this work out. I am only working part-time Thurs-Saturday and every third Sunday...that's a really doable schedule. I appreciate the opportunity to get what I need to do - done.
Sir Joe Kissyface is growing so fast. He doesn't like to be in his kennel and we have had to stop putting him in there at night. We were starting to see some neurosis from his anxiety with being placed in there...we decided it was best to teach him to stay out and use the potty pad at night...he's doing very well and we've had only a couple of little accidents with this new approach.
Summer is going to be SOOOO hot this year. It's already been 100 degree two days in a row and it's only June 3rd. WOW.
My last session starts on Tuesday...it's just comprehensive exams...well, not just...but at least it's almost over.
That's all that's new...love to all!
Sir Joe Kissyface is growing so fast. He doesn't like to be in his kennel and we have had to stop putting him in there at night. We were starting to see some neurosis from his anxiety with being placed in there...we decided it was best to teach him to stay out and use the potty pad at night...he's doing very well and we've had only a couple of little accidents with this new approach.
Summer is going to be SOOOO hot this year. It's already been 100 degree two days in a row and it's only June 3rd. WOW.
My last session starts on Tuesday...it's just comprehensive exams...well, not just...but at least it's almost over.
That's all that's new...love to all!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
AHHH
Again, I have completed a semester with a 4.0 I am so excited because it's been a really difficult bit of coursework. Now, I am on to comprehensives and I will have my Master's degree in about 10 weeks.
Having the house to ourselves is wonderful!!! We both enjoy the quiet peace of each other's company.
My car still isn't running...not enough money to fix the problem. Won't be able to do anything with it until mid July. Boohooo.
I am going back to work grooming. I decided that the money I can earn working Thursday, Friday, and Saturday is just what I need to start saving for my trips and conferences which begin in September.
Just a side note about the rapture...didn't think it would happen the way Camping expected, but if anyone thinks there's nothing going on in our world...just watch 5 minutes of the evening news....hell in a hand basket, I say...hell in a handbasket!
Love to all, and will blog a little during my 14 day down time. Later gators!
Having the house to ourselves is wonderful!!! We both enjoy the quiet peace of each other's company.
My car still isn't running...not enough money to fix the problem. Won't be able to do anything with it until mid July. Boohooo.
I am going back to work grooming. I decided that the money I can earn working Thursday, Friday, and Saturday is just what I need to start saving for my trips and conferences which begin in September.
Just a side note about the rapture...didn't think it would happen the way Camping expected, but if anyone thinks there's nothing going on in our world...just watch 5 minutes of the evening news....hell in a hand basket, I say...hell in a handbasket!
Love to all, and will blog a little during my 14 day down time. Later gators!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Trying this once again
Finally - well again, finally...We are in our home by ourselves. After a terrible exchange of words, Melvin has moved out. We feel badly that he claims he has nowhere to go; however, we cannot and will not support someone and provide a home when he has no interest in helping himself out of the muck. I won't go into elaborate detail, but I will say that in the three months he has lived with us, he has made a sum total of 270.00 in contributions...180.00 of that in food stamps. So...if he doesn't want to help himself to a better life, we're not going to present the silver platter at our own expense.
We love our new home. It is perfectly sized for me and Eve. We are enjoying our courtyard and the peace and quiet at our end of the complex. Chris and Amy visit..that's awesome! It's the perfect place for use to get back to the joy of sharing life together...we've been missing that for the last few years.
I am almost done with classes. My Master's will be conferred in August and it's on to my PhD program in September. I am excited and SOOOO ready for it to be over.
Gonna go...got lots of papers. Love to all
We love our new home. It is perfectly sized for me and Eve. We are enjoying our courtyard and the peace and quiet at our end of the complex. Chris and Amy visit..that's awesome! It's the perfect place for use to get back to the joy of sharing life together...we've been missing that for the last few years.
I am almost done with classes. My Master's will be conferred in August and it's on to my PhD program in September. I am excited and SOOOO ready for it to be over.
Gonna go...got lots of papers. Love to all
Monday, April 4, 2011
Back to the beginning
Finally, the countdown to the move has come near a close. The big day is Wednesday. Eve and I take possession of the townhouse on Tuesday at 5pm. It has been a roller coaster ride - that's for sure. From cleaning everything to culling away the unnecessary things we have accumulated over the years has been a real chore. Eve mentioned last nigh, though, that it's interesting that everything we own (besides the furniture) fits into a 10X10 room...I reminded her that everything you NEED in life fits into a 2X3 drawer.
Our lives have once again been in complete disarray. First, there is Melvin...the mooch. He works 15-17 hours a week at Kentucky Fried Chicken and his last paycheck was a whopping $70.00 take home after taxes and child support. Eve discussed with him a second job...he's only looking to appease her and choosing to apply for things he is not qualified to do. (he wants to apply for a secretarial position, but doesn't know how to use Word to create a resume. Melvin has moved boxes from place to place for me, but other than that...he sits on the couch and watches five hours of Ghost Whisperer and Charmed. He sleeps till noon everyday, and this past week..complained about not having gas, but can make it to the bar 3 nights in a row - not returning to the house until 4:30am. Eve and I are done...we refuse to help someone who isn't making the effort to help themselves.
Then...there's Chucky who came to Texas to move in with his friend, but ended up staying with us. Chucky already paid rent...puts gas in Eve's truck (because his truck is at the mechanic's shop getting new head gaskets, spark plugs and wires, heater core hose, and his timing re-set. Within 24 hours of being at our house, Chucky had a job and is looking for more work.
The animals are starting to feel the stress of the move now, too...they're more than a little skitzy..smelling every box...chewing then on occasion. The cats don't venture outside very much, now and Frodo will not leave my side.
So..today is really my last day to attend to packing...the rest of the time will be spent cleaning, touch up painting, and getting everything situated for the movers. Busy day for me.
Our lives have once again been in complete disarray. First, there is Melvin...the mooch. He works 15-17 hours a week at Kentucky Fried Chicken and his last paycheck was a whopping $70.00 take home after taxes and child support. Eve discussed with him a second job...he's only looking to appease her and choosing to apply for things he is not qualified to do. (he wants to apply for a secretarial position, but doesn't know how to use Word to create a resume. Melvin has moved boxes from place to place for me, but other than that...he sits on the couch and watches five hours of Ghost Whisperer and Charmed. He sleeps till noon everyday, and this past week..complained about not having gas, but can make it to the bar 3 nights in a row - not returning to the house until 4:30am. Eve and I are done...we refuse to help someone who isn't making the effort to help themselves.
Then...there's Chucky who came to Texas to move in with his friend, but ended up staying with us. Chucky already paid rent...puts gas in Eve's truck (because his truck is at the mechanic's shop getting new head gaskets, spark plugs and wires, heater core hose, and his timing re-set. Within 24 hours of being at our house, Chucky had a job and is looking for more work.
The animals are starting to feel the stress of the move now, too...they're more than a little skitzy..smelling every box...chewing then on occasion. The cats don't venture outside very much, now and Frodo will not leave my side.
So..today is really my last day to attend to packing...the rest of the time will be spent cleaning, touch up painting, and getting everything situated for the movers. Busy day for me.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Packing, packing, and more packing
Well, I have been packing like a mad woman for the last 10 or 11 days...Seems to be a never ending task. Just how much stuff does two people need??? I learned many years ago that everything I need in life fits into a 2X3 drawer and all the rest is just icing on the cake. Well, no wonder I am so heavy...I have ALOT of icing.
Finally, there is light at the end of the tunnel. All of the rooms are packed and ready with incidentals and immediate needs items left out for use. The only room left to pack is mine and Eve's room and that's just the clothing...I will be working on that today. There is the backyard, and the garage left to handle, but a lot of that has been packed or stored, as well.
We're getting close now. Our move is slated for April 7th, but if the unit is available before that date, we're ready. Our garage sale was not a complete bust (155.50), but there really wasn't much traffic that day. I figured it had more to do with being the last weekend of the rodeo than anything. Hopefully, this Saturday will be more lucrative.
School starts again tomorrow..Neuropsyc assessment and neuropsych..hard stuff. I am ready, though.
Gonna go now and get busy packing again...Til Next time
Finally, there is light at the end of the tunnel. All of the rooms are packed and ready with incidentals and immediate needs items left out for use. The only room left to pack is mine and Eve's room and that's just the clothing...I will be working on that today. There is the backyard, and the garage left to handle, but a lot of that has been packed or stored, as well.
We're getting close now. Our move is slated for April 7th, but if the unit is available before that date, we're ready. Our garage sale was not a complete bust (155.50), but there really wasn't much traffic that day. I figured it had more to do with being the last weekend of the rodeo than anything. Hopefully, this Saturday will be more lucrative.
School starts again tomorrow..Neuropsyc assessment and neuropsych..hard stuff. I am ready, though.
Gonna go now and get busy packing again...Til Next time
