My son is truly and Andersen. Whether he likes that, or continues on his current path, his actions prove his "Andersenship" more than ever.
I don't remember if everyone remembers what happened in 2009 - right after the cruise, but Chris ended his marriage to Kristi, took his children from their Rayville home for a month, and started living with a woman who was a well-known drug dealer in the Brenham area. Chris was using meth amphetamines (He had a psychotic break in April of the same year and spent a day hallucinating about people with guns all over the property). Eve and I did what we could - short of hospitalizing him - to get him safe. We called Kristi to come help since she would be the only person who could commit him, if necessary. Instead, Kristi got Chris to return to Rayville with her, and we hoped the worst had passed. Little did we know at the time, it was just a waiting game.
In my professional opinion, Chris suffered some irreparable brain damage from that experience because he has never been the same. There was a clear and distinct personality split wherein Chris decided to use his "real" name, Jacob. (That's long story and perhaps I will share it one day). Chris moved back into our home in October of 2009 under the guise of working for T A Design. He started seeing the same girl he was seeing during his drug episode. While Eve and I were away on the family cruise, Chris had the girl and her two children living in my home without permission and then lied about whether or not she was there. When we found out, he was livid and Eve and I were just being mean. During that time, I had also advised Chris to get his kids if he wanted them...I didn't mean GO get the kids, I meant, fight for them and reasonable visitation. Anyway, he and his new girlfriend went to Louisiana and took the kids out of school and Dylan and Alex lived with Chris and Dee and her drug warped father, and step-mother, and their children in a three bedroom, single wide trailer for one month. Eve and I failed, in that we let Kristi stay in our home...taking away Chris' only safe place on earth - but I cannot change the past...he was living in his insanity, and Eve and I made a bad decision.
During that time, Jacob allowed his live-in girlfriend to send text messages to me counting the numerous occasions I have failed as a mother. She cussed, accused, and 'told me all about myself'. I can handle the truth of what I did or didn't do for my son as he grew into adulthood. I am responsible for my actions. I am not; however, responsible for what he chooses, and how he lives his life - TODAY. Still I was (and always will be)willing to hear what he has to say and power through whatever he needs to get off his chest so he can move forward in life. Chris - no Jacob - decided to never speak to me again. He called Eve every name in the book and the venom he spewed was just as toxic as the drugs he consumed.
Once again, Chris ended the relationship with the girl and moved in with me and Eve. There were profuse apologies, cards and letters expressing his sorrow, and a repair of the relationship between Chris and Eve. It wasn't long, though - that Chris got into another relationship. He started seeing Amy, the girl with one child living with the father and one child growing in her belly. Gage and Kaleob have become just as important as my own, blood, grandchildren even though they belong to Amy and her ex.
We allowed Chris and Amy (Amy only calls Chris Jacob)to move in with us, and it's been a fiasco ever since. They finally moved into their own place in April of this year.
All of this back story is to get to the point that Chris - no Jacob - has decided, once again, that he no longer has a mother, wants a relationship, or loves and respects Eve. All of this over the fact that Eve and I have new phones and he and Amy still have old ones. So...let me break down the things he has gotten since my return home in 2004:
Eve and I got our new house in May of 2004 and Chris, Kristi, Dylan and Alex moved in with us the same day. They lived there- rent free - for three months and then Eve and Chris got into a fight about the electric bill and Chris and his family moved out to Ed's house for about 6 months. Then they moved back in with us. They lived there for another year, and then moved into their own place until they could not pay the bills. They moved to Rayville to live with Kristi's mom for a few months. In June of 2006, Eve and I moved to Houston to attend the University of Houston. We lived in a one bedroom, loft apartment. Chris and the family moved in with us...in that little bitty apartment...in October of that year. They lived there, rent free, until they found their own apartment. Eve and I moved to a townhouse on the southeast side of Houston, and it wasn't even a month until they moved in again. Again, rent free. Then Chris and Kristi went back to Rayville while I was on the archaeological dig (2008). When I returned, and Eve and I moved into the Belcamp house and then begins the rest of the story.
During all these 'live-ins', we have NEVER charged rent...we have only ever asked for Chris and his family to provide food. We have provided them with cell phones - at no cost - and allowed Chris to have the phone he wanted. Well, the phone was exactly what he wanted until it wasn't anymore, and then it was a POS that we tried to pass off to him. We have fed him, clothed him, let him use our car without restriction, given him gas money, and bought his cigarettes.
Each time, the use of our things has diminished in value to the point that Chris believes we owe him and are passing him over. Kristi wrecked my Mustang and then said, "They would HELP pay for the repairs"...Chris took my Ford Five Hundred to places I told him I didn't want it to go. He left me without transportation when my brother was in a motorcycle accident because he didn't want to come back (So, he just stopped answering the cell phone we provided for him, and came home with a story about how he fell asleep on the side of the road because he was so tired). He used my car to go back and forth to work 60 miles away (that's 120 miles a day)leaving me without my own transportation, and had the nerve to refuse to pay for oil changes and new tires when the time came due and there was no choice but to do those things or damage the vehicle. When they moved into the Forest Bluff house, I put them in the guestroom, but that wasn't good enough, or big enough, so I had to move my office out of the huge, back room, so they could have a place that felt comfortable. It's not that I HAD to do it, but the whining and complaining was incessant, so the decision was made to accommodate Chris and Amy. Then came the 'phone wars'. By default - not request - Eve and I got two new lines so we could get the phones we wanted for free. We discussed this with Chris and Amy prior to making the decision and Tmobile was running a deal that kids lines were free for one year. They wanted the phones and we gave them our old phones. They said they were happy with that, but of course, Chris is never happy. Chris wanted a touch screen so we agreed he could have a new phone as long as it didn't require data. He picked the phone he wanted. We went to the store and I ended up paying 250 for that phone. I could not use the phone I bought, so I offered it to Amy...Chris lost his ever loving mind and took the phone for himself. and gave Amy his phone. When he took my phone, he was told that he would have to pay for the data service (10.00 a month)..he NEVER paid. After a couple of months, we realized that we were going to suffer overage charges if we didn't increase the data for Chris' line - we did...20 a month. Things were okay for a minute. To get the phone I could use, we got another line (Since it was free). At this point there were no upgrades available for use....In July, Eve's line became eligible for an upgrade and she purchased a new phone. It was not the phone she wanted, it was the phone we could afford. Then my original line became eligible, so we bought a new phone for me. Chris took my old phone, but didn't like it and returned it. We had a family pow wow because Chris accused us of using the upgrades that should have been his and Amy's. Thought we had settled the issue (as much as you can settle anything with chris). Then, Chris took Eve's old phone and complained incessantly that he didn't like it. We told them again, that their lines would be eligible for partial upgrade in November of full upgrade in February...they were welcome to use the upgrade and we would even pitch in the 90.00 that Eve spent on her upgrade toward Amy's upgrade since Amy was the only one to never get a new phone. (Wasn't that really nice of us?) Finally, last night the kids came over for dinner and Chris noticed that Eve had a new phone (We bought it on Ebay because it was the phone that she really wanted). He got mad, left the house, and then sent me a text message about how I could turn his phone off because, once again, we didn't get Amy a new phone. WELL SHIT...
Chris decided that I am no longer his mother, he is going to change his name, and Eve is a BullDyke from hell. We owe them phones - for free, apparently. Over the years we have made sure Chris and his family had a roof over their head, transportation to and fro, cell phones and all the family support possible. Our current phone bill is 287.00 per month, for which he has paid a whopping 40.00 in 18 months.
So...whether my son wants to admit it or not...he is more an Andersen than I will ever be. The Andersen's believe in taking away their relationship with you if they disagree...My mom went 15 years without speaking a word to me. The most recent incommunicado has lasted 10 months. My Dad doesn't speak when he's angry, either. Unless you do what they want, you're nothing to them and not worth the conversation, relationship, or love. Here's to another Holiday season spent broken by someone in the family...weehoooo!
All over a phone...really?!!!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Wow...almost an entire month
I have been a blogger slacker as of late. Bad Kimmie, bad Kimmie! Things have been odd, strange, and weird in our world, lately. The whole family had some version of Montezuma's revenge for about 3 weeks. First Amy and the boys had a bug, then Christopher got it, then me, and finally, Eve. Each of us had something terrible to varying degrees and length. Mostly, it was throwing up and trips to the potty with pail in hand (for the occasional explosion that couldn't be contained). It was horrible and left us weak for days afterward. Fortunately, we are all well again! On the upside...I lost 8 pounds as a result of the illness - weeehooo!
I cannot believe I am going to reveal to everyone that I absolutely hate my PhD program. I don't like the forum, the subject matter, or the lack of interaction from professors. I am also amazed by some of my colleagues. HOW did they get into a PhD program, at all!!!!! One student responded to my discussion post about my future plans with a long discussion about how I intend to provide conversion therapy to "Gays". OMG...even the professor had some admonishment for this participant. I haven't seen her name pop up on anymore discussion questions either. Makes me wonder if she withdrew or was asked to refrain from posting...hmmmm. I would love to re-post her entire discussion, but think that might be unethical on a public forum.
Chris has had trouble finding a way to balance work and school and providing for a family. I am not surprised. People like Kathy, Tricha, and I are actually kind of rare. We are able to focus, prioritize, and plan accordingly in effort to achieve a self-imposed goal. It has nothing to do with intelligence (although we're really smart), it has more to do with personal motivation and convictions. So...Christopher is really smart, but not very motivated or focused. He opted to withdraw from classes until next fall. This would have been a wise decision had he not been laid off from work the very next Monday. Now, he's depressed and feels that he just cannot get ahead. Fortunately, the staffing agency found another position for him right away and he starts his new job today. I told him that things work out exactly as they're supposed to - keep his chin up - yadda yadda yadda, and lo and behold the new position is a forklift operator (which he loves) and the hours are more conducive to his internal clock. Chris works 11-8 M-F and every other Saturday. That's perfect for him...he is NOT a morning person! The pay is 2 dollars less per hour, but he'll be able to bring his wage up when he transitions to a permanent employee.
Something funny did occur. We had rain (no that's not the funny part) and Joe has never seen or heard it since his birth. We had a huge storm with thunder and lightning and skies as dark as rubber. Joe's ears laid back, he cowered, and ran through the house like the roof might cave in at any moment. Even Mr. Frodo forgot what a storm was and sat in my lap trembling and shivering. It was funny to see their reactions. Had you been here, you certainly would have been laughing.
Finally, there is big news. After twelve years, (3 spent apart), Eve has asked me the formal question. On September 18th (because she could not wait until my birthday) she presented me with the most gorgeous ring and asked me to be her partner for life. Of course, I said yes (Eve answered my proposal about 5 years ago). We have applied for our marriage license in New York and have three months to go to the New York Clerk's office to get our license. Then we have 18 months to make it official. So....we're having a commitment ceremony for all of our friends and family on May 04, 2013, and we're having a legal ceremony (complete with name change) shortly before that. We've chosen the venue, the colors, and picked our attire. We're making our guest list (approximately 100 people). It's going to be a fabulous and fun event. We're chartering a yacht so the wedding, dinner, and reception are all inclusive. All of our guests will have a room for the night at the resort where the yacht is located, and we're looking into chartering transportation from Shreveport for all of our Louisiana attendees. I was surprised how economical it is for the rooms and a bus (since we don't have to pay a photographer separately or hire a caterer...budget permits us to pay for the rooms and the charter. WEEHOOO We're excited and we hope everyone we know and love is as excited.
Okay, gonna get to work on my papers. I will do better about blogging. Love to all!!
I cannot believe I am going to reveal to everyone that I absolutely hate my PhD program. I don't like the forum, the subject matter, or the lack of interaction from professors. I am also amazed by some of my colleagues. HOW did they get into a PhD program, at all!!!!! One student responded to my discussion post about my future plans with a long discussion about how I intend to provide conversion therapy to "Gays". OMG...even the professor had some admonishment for this participant. I haven't seen her name pop up on anymore discussion questions either. Makes me wonder if she withdrew or was asked to refrain from posting...hmmmm. I would love to re-post her entire discussion, but think that might be unethical on a public forum.
Chris has had trouble finding a way to balance work and school and providing for a family. I am not surprised. People like Kathy, Tricha, and I are actually kind of rare. We are able to focus, prioritize, and plan accordingly in effort to achieve a self-imposed goal. It has nothing to do with intelligence (although we're really smart), it has more to do with personal motivation and convictions. So...Christopher is really smart, but not very motivated or focused. He opted to withdraw from classes until next fall. This would have been a wise decision had he not been laid off from work the very next Monday. Now, he's depressed and feels that he just cannot get ahead. Fortunately, the staffing agency found another position for him right away and he starts his new job today. I told him that things work out exactly as they're supposed to - keep his chin up - yadda yadda yadda, and lo and behold the new position is a forklift operator (which he loves) and the hours are more conducive to his internal clock. Chris works 11-8 M-F and every other Saturday. That's perfect for him...he is NOT a morning person! The pay is 2 dollars less per hour, but he'll be able to bring his wage up when he transitions to a permanent employee.
Something funny did occur. We had rain (no that's not the funny part) and Joe has never seen or heard it since his birth. We had a huge storm with thunder and lightning and skies as dark as rubber. Joe's ears laid back, he cowered, and ran through the house like the roof might cave in at any moment. Even Mr. Frodo forgot what a storm was and sat in my lap trembling and shivering. It was funny to see their reactions. Had you been here, you certainly would have been laughing.
Finally, there is big news. After twelve years, (3 spent apart), Eve has asked me the formal question. On September 18th (because she could not wait until my birthday) she presented me with the most gorgeous ring and asked me to be her partner for life. Of course, I said yes (Eve answered my proposal about 5 years ago). We have applied for our marriage license in New York and have three months to go to the New York Clerk's office to get our license. Then we have 18 months to make it official. So....we're having a commitment ceremony for all of our friends and family on May 04, 2013, and we're having a legal ceremony (complete with name change) shortly before that. We've chosen the venue, the colors, and picked our attire. We're making our guest list (approximately 100 people). It's going to be a fabulous and fun event. We're chartering a yacht so the wedding, dinner, and reception are all inclusive. All of our guests will have a room for the night at the resort where the yacht is located, and we're looking into chartering transportation from Shreveport for all of our Louisiana attendees. I was surprised how economical it is for the rooms and a bus (since we don't have to pay a photographer separately or hire a caterer...budget permits us to pay for the rooms and the charter. WEEHOOO We're excited and we hope everyone we know and love is as excited.
Okay, gonna get to work on my papers. I will do better about blogging. Love to all!!
